Great Christmas!!!

This year's christmas was my best christmas ever! The many christmas before this was either just another holiday or an occasion to visit relatives. If we're lucky, we won't have to be dragged by dua go to some silly church events (Really, really hate it!). My first christmas in England hasn't been disappointing at all. To start with, I love the festive atmosphere here. It's just like Chinese New Year or Hari Raya in Malaysia, with everyone on the street rushing to shop like mad, as if everything's free.. Radio's always playing christmas carols, elevating my mood all the time.

I went to Lauren's house from 24-26/12/2005. Lauren's one of my PBL-mates. Her house's at the outskirt area of Manchester which is Macclesfield, Cheshire, about half an hour away Manchester university. The first thing I learnt is that u don't call her parents aunty and uncle like we do in Malaysia, but my their first names - Chris and Philip. I thought Lauren and I did a fantastic job decorating the christmas tree. I have never seen a christmas tree with so many decorations. I spent most of the time in Lauren's house watching television and eating chocolates - which is what christmas is all about according to her... I was really impressed by their hospitality. They let me stay in a really beautiful room of my own n even provide me with towels. Chris was always asking me what I'd like to drink! So I've tasted everything from orange juice and soft drinks to wine and gen. At the night of christmas eve, Chris put wine, mince pie and egg at the fire place and on christmas morning, there were all gone! And there were socks packed with presents at all the children room's doorsteps, and there were more presents arranged under the christmas tree! So Santa did came at night! I was already so excited early in the morning on christmas day. The presents opening part was the best! I received so many presents from Lauren's family and my PBL group - about 20 altogather, which was really a pleasant surprise! I couldn't ask for more... i was almost speechless... No wonder everybody loves christmas, if this is the amount of presents they usually receive. Then Lauren n I helped to prepare the brussel sprouts for christmas dinner, which is also rather fun. They actually had their christmas dinner at 3pm... what an odd hour for dinner.. Before eating, we had to pull open some crackers and wear the party hat (a silly old british tradition). I wonder how many kg of meat and sugar I consumed in these few days.. On boxing day, we went for a walk at a nearby national park to burn off some calories. There was this particular spot at the park called 'The Edge', a stony high area which allow people to oversee the whole of Cheshire county and a bit of the Greater Manchester area - exceptionally breathtaking. So thats how I actually spend christmas, christmas eve and boxing day. Chris sent me back to university on boxing day evening.

The next day (27/12/2005), I headed to Leeds to visit Rachel, another of my PBL-mate. It was meant to be only a day trip (I'd even bought my return ticket) but there were heavy snow that evening, which meant it could be dangerous to drive, so I decided to stay over for a night and just came back today. There were more peoeple in Rachel's house because many relatives was visiting, so the house was noisier that Lauren's house. Rachel's parents (Linda and David) were equally hospitable.. And similarly I spent most of the day watching DVDs and TV programmes. Their dog (Flush) was a bit overfriendly that she kept trying to licking me... ewe... i hate animals! Really well fed all the time. Tried the christmas cake that Linda made. It's just like christmas puding, something like fruitcake, but again too sweet for me. Like Lauren's house, I slept in a spare room for guests which was a room with double bed. I guess Rachel's family was more formal and quiet (reflects Rachel's quietness) but I still thoroughly enjoyed talking to them. Apparently both Linda and David were Manchester graduates as well, so they do know quite a lot about Manchester. It was snowing the whole night that this morning the grounds are already covered with several cm of snow. At about 11am Linda drop me off the station and Rachel brought me for a scroll around the Leeds city centre before I head back to Manchester.

I will never forget the things that happened these few days for the rest of my life. Besides having great fun, they also got me thinking about things like cultural differences and how to handle them. But for now, it is also important for me to realise that time to have fun's over and I have to start opening the books again for the upcoming exam. Finally, I just want to shout 'I love PBL 15!!!'...

Am I doing it right?

Am I doing everything right? Am I doing anything right at all? Don't know. I've been pondering these questions over and over and over again these few days.

The christmas holiday has started and I've been spending most of the first week of the holiday in the library - working on the psychosocial topics that I've conveniently skip through while working with the cases throughout the semester. A chat with my psychology lecturer really gave me a sense of seriousness about not doing enough about the psychosocial content in the PBL cases, as she put it "but it is of real concern that you have left it so late in the semester to consider these issues". Though I'm fairly satisfied with my disciplince in working and reading about, I can't help but feel extremely frustrated with the uncertainty about exactly what and how much detail to cover. That's the problem with PBL - we just have go round and round the topic without knowing what exactly to learn. Being a perfectionist, I really hate this because it seems that I just want to read everything in the books - just in case I miss something that'll come out in the exam. I need a strategy. I know I need to focus but I just feel unsafe and guilty not to learn and swallow as much as I can. It's not really with the course but my attitude - the perfectionist attitude. I feel so helpless because I don't know who to turn to and express my worries. I don't want to ask my lecturer stupid questions on what and how to focus when I kind of know what and how to do it already yet I can't make myself do it. Aghhhh!! This is getting way too complicated! Other people doesn't seem to have that kind of problem... I really need more of their attitude - the happy-go-lucky spirit.

On the other hand, I find reading topics on psychology quite enjoyable (Only if I can read it as a storybook and don't have to be examined on it...). The more I read, the more I'm convinced about the complexity of human behaviour, to an extreme that one can NEVER understand fully human behaviour. Many experiments and studies psychologists did just raised so many doubts even as I was reading them that I can hardly believe them. There's almost not one single experiment that has any constant variable.. yet they proclaimed to have discover a 'breakthrough'.. how amusing? You see, that's another reason I think psychology is not something worth examining as it is often hardly scientifically valid. There's one experiment that's really caught my attention: the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment by Zimbardo n co (www.prisonexp.org). I thought it was a horrible experiment that it can only happen in movies - too unethical and unprofessionally designed n done.

I think I'd better get back to the psychology n social psychology books so that I can visit Lauren's house over christmas with peace of mind... if u know what I mean.

Your Personality Profile

You are happy, driven, and status conscious. You want everyone to know how successful you are. Very logical, you see life as a game of strategy. A bit of a loner, you prefer to depend on yourself. You always keep your cool and your composure. You are a born leader and business person.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Motivational Problem

How I long for my old self... The all-time highly desirable and highly motivated yeeyen... My energy level's just so low these days that I think I can't control myself anymore.
It started on case 5, which is on immunology (T-cells n B-cells). I couldn't finish my PBL work. The scope of material to cover was simply indefinite n it seems like every learning objective = 1 chapter in the immunology book (N we had 30 odd learning objectives). I endeavour to finish it nevertheless but I realize soon enough that it's just ridiculous... I'll never get this done. N suddenly it struck me to these question: Why am I doing all these? Is it worth it? Stressing myself up night after night for something that I know I'm not capable of finishing? What was I trying to do? To impress? To be perfect?
When Eric Bell gave his first lecture on immunology, he said 'immunology is a very difficult subject'. I didn't believe him, I mean, how hard can it be? Now I think I know what he meant. It's just so difficult to link up the bits n pieces we learn everywhere n form a big picture. I'm seriously confused. I think I'm slightly better off now that we're at case 6 (about autoimmunity n SLE) as I begin to get a glimpse of the whole picture. Tuesday's PBL was enjoyable as I took the advantage of being the scribe to use the board to explain my understanding, which I thought I was excellant. So I thought I'm back on track already. Yet yesterday that down feeling was bothering me again, and I just couldn't do anything else other than wasting time in front of the computer... I don't even have the strength to tell myself to STOP n force myself to turn open a book.. it's THAT bad! Yesterday I didn't even eat a single meal, just fed on biscuits and potato chips. Am I suffering from depression?

I have so many things kept in my heart that I want to pour it out this instant but I think it's not safe enough for me to do that here. I desperately need to talk to someone.. to rant about my pitiful story. I don't need advice, I'm sure I'll b able to handle them given a bit more time. I just need a lending ear.

Bad Day

Bad Day
by Daniel Powter

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

Stand in the line just ahead of the law
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing it turns out
Wrong
You might not make it back and you know that you could be well oh that
Strong
Well I'm not wrong
yeaheyeah!

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You see what you like
and how does it feel one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Not that my day's bad... Just like this song so much! Thanks Yee Leng for sending this song to me! In the mean time, I'm sick... have chest infection, flu, fever n bad coughing... Why? Combination of self-induced stress, weather n a bit of poor diet I suppose...

By the way, this is the 'salam aidilfitri' picture that appears in utusan. Have a look!

Why do I always have odd dreams nowadays?

Now I'm beginning to believe that what u think is what u'll dream. Yesterday was quite fun... started the Dr Eric Bell on immunology. Interesting oldman... I'd actually understand the concepts so well after his lecture, maybe because the content are mostly just a refreshment for what I've done in IB Biology. Then we had PBL, which was fine... as usual I contributed whatever I knew n it was just fine really. Yet somehow I just felt uncomfortable, perhaps because I was sitting beside Rob (our tutor) - the last time I sat beside him, I didn't even made a sound throughout the whole PBL. Otherwise I honestly didn't know what's the problem with me. I just felt so down after PBL, didn't joint the rest to eat at the student union (N partly because I have financial constraint as well). I went straight up to the third floor for the library, n met Dr Melissa Westwood on the stairs (Exchange a bit of 'how r u' 'i'm fine thanks'). The library's so noisy.. really hate the Stopford Library sometimes, these people just won't keep their voice down. Managed to copy something on psychosocial aspects of HIV/AIDS from the very highly demanded 'Psychology n Sociology Applied to Medicine' book. Then I proceeded on reading up a little bit of anatomy for dissection session later on.
For the first time we were really going to dissect on the cadever. I felt really excited about it. We were going to look around the pectoral girdle, that includes all the bones, muscles, joints, nerves, vessels etc. The blades that we used was really sharp, u can easily cut through the skin even without using any strength. It's really not like any other sessions when most of us gets sleepy. When I finished washing my hands, I meant to turn off the tap but turn towards the wrong end n the water splashed out n got Phil all wet! Haha! ('Cheers for that!' he said to me...)
After dissection our PBL group went to Wagamama at the city centre, some Korean restaurant. The food was expensive, but it's not bad n the portion's quite big. Viv n John brought their girlfriends. It's really a pleasant surprise to learn what they tell their girlfriends about me, and also how my other PBL-mates told their friends about me. Liz n Sara (Viv n John's girlfriends) told me that they said I bring life to the group n makes this whoel dull PBL learning more fun n interesting... u know, that we have something to laugh about to lighten ourselves in the midst of discussion about body parts n molecular biochemistry stuff. I'm really happy to learn that because I personally don't remember bringing any life to any group of people that I've been with. I was always the nerd, only concerned with serious stuff - n I thought I still am now... Just don't understand how these people think...
I had a long day. Came back, bathe quickly n went to bed straight away. I didn't really sleep well coz my flat's so noisy upstairs. But I remember dreaming about going to a GP placement myself in a teenage female patient's house (I was talking to Adil about our GP placement at Wagamama). I was suppose to report to Dr Melissa Westwood (She's not medically trained in real life) but another female doc has came to replace her. She injected this girl with a really long n fat n big syringe, to draw blood apparently. When the doc has filled up almost three quarter of the syringe the girl suddenly push the blood back into the body saying 'thats too much!'.. After that I left the house with a nurse, a black lady. She agreed to give me a ride n drop me off at Oxford Road. It turned out that she understands Malay n asked me to join her for dinner at a restaurant. N even more surprisingly, the restaurant really looks like the one our family always go to (Si yao fook's neighboor) n apparently her husband's a Malaysian high rank military officer! Isn't that weird?

Soaking...

Today's rain's the heaviest rain that I've been exposed since I arrived Manchester. It's just crazy! Everything from my top all the way to the bottom was wet even was my brand new umbrella. N worse, my PBL Casebook's a bit wet as well... die la... how am I going to study for the rest of the semester? I can't even stand my books/notes being scribbled/folded at the edges... Guess this is the perfect opportunity to put my plan of quiting the perfectionist attitude to test... still have to go thru it whether I like it or not...
Now I'm gonna show you some pictures of my PBL-mates that I've been talking about. Today's PBL's alright... explain a bit on cAMP n Calcium ion messengers in hormones' action on target cells on the white board. N they laughed at me for pronouncing the word "threat" wrongly for the first time n quickily cover it up as though it never happened. After that, as usual, we went to the Steve Biko cafe at the Student Union for brunch - thats where n when I took these pictures.

Uzo n Anisha
Jeff, Tom n Lauren
Claire n I
Viv (back), John n Lauren
Rachel, I n Rhys

Adil's not in. But I promise I'll put up one of his pictures soon. For more photos n details descriptions, plz visit http://www.picturetrails.com/tyee_yen

Another funny PBL...

So far PBL had never been dull n yesterday I had yet another exciting n funny PBL session. We were starting case 4 - about this vertically challenged guy, Angus. Since this case's so much about guys and their growth around puberty, I posed some questions to the guys to try n understand some physiological n mental changes around adolescence among the guys - U know, first hand account's always better than textbook description, isn't it? They told me some normal stuff which I could find out in textbooks, not the more intimate but typical things that happened. Then something struck me n I opened my mouth saying "When do you have wet dreams?", n all in the room went stunned for about 2 seconds, even Robert (our PBL tutor), n then just burst out laughing non stop without having my question answered. Rite... I wasn't expecting that... I didn't mean to be rude, honestly. I was just curious.. u know, not having many guys growing up with me. N I remember Fido saying that in Islam wetdream is the first indication of puberty in male, so I was just wondering about its authenticity. After that I learnt from Rob, John, Viv n Rhys that it's not culturally appropriate to openly talk about wetdreams here. It's quite shocking that even here in a Western country people are not ready to be open enough to talk about private stuff like that for scientific purposes. I'd definitely learnt something useful today.
Meanwhile I'd always been picked up to be bullied by the guys.. John's been nice, 'educating' me about Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan and Eric Clapton while Viv and Rhys had been teaching me nonsense (They told me the 'ogh' sound's generated each time you have sex...what rubbish..) Dissection's ever interesting. Besides examining (and smelling) the bodies, the guys were taking every opportunity to pick on me. Last week, some of the guys had to pull of their shirt for some living anatomy learning. Rhys was examined by all the girls (obviuosly including me) n then Viv hid Rhys's shirt, then told him it was me who did it because I wanted to see him naked longer... I felt annoyed, but at the same time felt funny n couldn't help laughing. I'm really happy to be with this PBL group... reminds me of the M03P guys who always kacau me...
And because I'm a perfectionist n worked hard for every PBL cases, it seems like I'm the 'Miss Know-it-all' in PBL. I enjoy the label to an extent, but prefer not to be labelled like that. It makes people feel uncomfortable in the group. I prefer to be seen equal to everybody. Perhaps its good for me to shut up once in a while n pretend to be stupid for a while so that other people's self esteem can recover and rebuild. In this way it'd be easier for me to work with anyone in the group. I can't deny that I've got a headstart at disciplining myself to work hard - I'd been drilled to do that all my life, yet I obviously slack in other stuff that normal people around my age should know about...

Not a very nice outing

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with the places I went to. They were fantastic. We went to the Manchester Museum. Its collection ranges from real egyptian mummies to ancient greeks stuff to African tribal community to even Malaysian keris! I'm definitely visiting the museum again. Then we went to the Manchester United stadium at Old Trafford. There's a match going on - MU vs Tortenham. Naturally, there were a lot of people so we didn't manage to tour the stadium. But it's really a good experience seeing the fans dressed in full MU accessories n the tight security - there were full of police n police horses n sniff dogs all around the compound. After that we proceeded to the Trafford Centre, a really big shopping mall that resembles KLCC/midvalley. The place was good, but it's clearly an upmarket place - cannot afford anything. Finally, we took a bus to Chinatown since my friends from other parts of England were so enthusiasted to see it. It was dark already at that time. The rest of them proceeded to M2 (a night club) while I came make, cooked a bag of instant me for myself n went to bed rite away.
The part of the outing that I hated the most is the people - not all, in fact only one of them - spoilt my weekend entirely! My Malaysian friends from Nortingham, Liverpool n London came up to Manchester for a visit, so we brought them around. This particular person, from the moment I met her till the end of the day, couldn't stop bragging about what she has in her place. I'm so tired of listening to that... Bigger bathroom, bigger room, better coursemates, richer flatmates, better math, better father, better taste, better alcohol tolarance, better handphone... She so full of herself. ('Phlem', Bill's girlfriend in Harry Potter, is much better than her) N she dared ask me why was I so quiet...! Can't she figure out why? I have no opportunity of voice out at all... she's been dominating the whole day to talk about herSELF! I thought I was going to staple her mouth n chuck her into a garbage bin... Since I arrive at Manchester I'd started to quit the habit of judging people and having negative thoughts prejuidices about others, but to people like that, I really can't help but to give her a big fat SUCKER label on her forehead. She better pray that I don't see her again today. Go back and never let me see you again!
I didn't know I could get so annoyed until words like that comes out... Really, I hope I don't have to see her again n endure the same whole thing all over again.
Mummy, pa, Yeeleng, Cheng, Lee n Teng, check out the pictures that I took on this website:
http://www.picturetrail.com/tyee_yen
U guys might want to try clicking on 'slide show' so the picture can come out more smoothly.
Alrite, I better start working on my PBL case 2 now. So many things to cover for this week's case - five chapter altogather! (Heart, circulation system, fetal development, antenatal screening, genetics n chromosomal abnormalities) This is going to be a crazy weekend. But I'll still work my ass off because I love PBL n I love my PBL-mates!

Whitworth Park

I'm going WILD! I love my PBL group...

Guess what? I'd just got myself drunk for the first time in my life. It was Lauren's brithday yesterday n our PBL group went out for a party at Tiger Tiger in the Manchester city centre. Before that, the girls gathered around at Lauren's flat and we had some drinks. Lauren'd literally fed me with the alcohol. At first I was quite okay with a quarter cup of vodka, mixed with orange juice. Then when I told her I haven't feel anything after about an hour and a half, she poured the half a cup of vodka into my already quite alcoholic orange juice. Goodness... after that cup, my head was spinning like merry-go-round n I was saying so much of silly things. I'd told my PBL-mates beforehand that I'd never been drunk before n they've got to take care of me if anything happens. It's quite funny about that the rest of the girls were also as drunk as I was (actually most of them worse) yet they took care of me as well as they could that they kept asking me whether I am alrite while I think I should be the one taking care of them considering their mental state. I think Rachel n Claire were the only ones who managed to keep their composure. I remember Anisha holding my hand to make sure that I cross the road safely as she was yelling "No yeeyen, wait for the greenman... yes, that's the greenman. Hi greenman, come on, let's cross over". On the way to the city centre, Lauren was still passing me tonics n gens (I haven't got a clue what kind of alcohol is it..). Throughout the nite, I could see Rachel keeping a close eye on me.. really sweet of her. She's always so quiet in the group but I bet she's one of the most responsible among us.
I followed the group (My PBL-mates n Lauren's flatmates) all the way to the club (walk-bus-walk). In the club, I was dancing away at first. I think it's because of the alcohol influence, I'd really enjoyed it. We were dancing from one lounge to another. Then the spinning started to wear off + I was quite tired, so I sat down with John n Viv. Both of them sounded like my big brother n were obviously keeping an eye on me n make sure that I'm alrite. I started to get annoyed with the noise n the smoke. Yet it was the sight was actually rather enjoyable - people snogging around at random n doing really sexy n somewhat disguising action... It's really been an eye opener for me. About 1:15am, I went back with Laura n Karen. I manage to get myself to bathe, n didn't really had a good nite sleep.
Today, during the communication skills session, my PBL-mates started to tease me the moment they stepped into the room n I was like 'I wasn't that drunk last nite' n they unanimously went 'o yes u were...' Today it was my turn to interview the stimulated patient. I was paired up with Adil. I was quite nervous throughout to be honest n was really glad that Adil took the lead rite from the beginning. At some point, I feel that Adil n the patient were talking to smoothly that I don't know where to come in. I didn't talk a lot. N the dreaded feedback moment came. I thought people were going to comment on how bad I was in keeping up with the conversation n I was definitely expecting negative feedbacks. Even when Nasha (our facillitator) asked me what are the positive things I thought I did, I was just lashing out about all the negative things in my head, about how the questions just did't get structured fast enough to be asked at an appropriate time, about the fact that I'd only understand at most 80% of what the patient's saying (I didn't said this but actually I had to pretend to be emphatetic at a point because I didn't get what the patient said). When she insisted about the postive stuff that I'd done, I managed to come up with a 'well, I picked up from Adil pretty well' n after that all I hear was constructive n encouraging things all the way through. Frankly, I'm really happy n excited today coz there're just too much fantastic feeling run through my nerves now. My groupmates n the facillitator complimented on how ritefully I kept quiet but kept a good interest on whats the patient saying, asking small but relevent n meaningful questions at good times. The old lady who was acting as the stimulated patient also told me that she distinctly noticed that I was smiling all the way n listened attentively, well mannered, empathetic, sensitive and cared to ask for consent for small things which other healthcare workers would had been ignorant about. To top it all, Nasha n my PBL-mates were reassuring me that it was a wonderful interview even after the session. I am really touched by their gestures.
I went to see my PBL tutor before the communication skills session n I was telling her how much I love my PBL-mates, n I really meant it. I think the combination of people in semester 1's PBL 15 COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BETTER! Also Dr Westwood pointed out about how she think I'd do fine from what she's observed about me, which is a bit of a pleasant surprise. She even said she was sure that it wouldn't be a problem for me to chair the group n believe that I'll pass the semester 1 exam with flying colours - how amazing is that? She said she saw no problem in me sharing knowledge in a PBL group while literally all of my other Malaysian, even Singapore friends who are doing medicine n dentistry engaged in PBL complained about how difficult it is for them to get their messege across the group that very often it just got stuck in their heads until the session is over, finally feeling frustrated. I was completely flattered.
When I left KMB, I thought I was never going to find a better combination of people than M03P. I was clearly wrong n here I am finding another perfect group of great people to work with. Meanwhile, I'd learnt quite a lot about British culture (Clubbing's one of the major British culture according to John) n to date, I'd been quite attracted to two guys, whom both I saw today, both r proper gentlement n one of them dressed particularly smart today. I'm obviously not going to publish their names here, so go figure...

A reflection on the activities i joined

Even before coming to Manchester, I'd already sort of made up my mind about clubs that i was going to join. I'd canoed twice before during camps in secondary school and I enjoyed it very much, so the Caneoing Club was on my list. But I drop the idea after learning that I have to pass a swimming test first (thats swimming for a 50m lap). I don't know whether I'd actually finish the course considering that I always go really breathless after swimming for a distance of around 30-40m. When I was in Malaysia, I was also quite determined to continue learning taekwondo here, only to be let down by a demonstration. The taekwondo style here is just too different that I'm not sure whether I can adjust to it or not.
Browsing through the freshers' fair, I was actually quite attracted to some of the clubs, which include the Nightline, the Choral, Scouts n Guides Society etc. I ended up signing up for the Malaysian Society (which cost me about £3 - but I never hear from them again...), Buddhist Society (which I havn't taken part in any of their activities yet), CAOS - Choir and Orchestra Society (which I'm still a sleeping member for now, but I'll definitely have a look one day since Lauren's asked... n it sounded quite fun) and The Socialist Workers Society (actually just attracted to the anti-bush, anti-third-world debt, anti-G8 things). I haven't been active in any of those clubs. On my way out of the student union building, I was dragged and pestered by someone to join the Party Animal club. To be honest, I hated the name of the club (It sounds so improper..) but so far the activities has been good. I took part in the badminton session they organised at a really cheap rate n got to meet really nice people.
On the other hand, I signed up as a volunteer for quite a number of Medsin projects. After attending Medsin Explained, I was just so excited about the many activities that match my interest. I joined the After School Club, which gives academic tuition to the local Somali refugees, because I think it won't that up that much of time (only an hour per week). I'd also signed up for Heartstart, which teaches 13-14 year old kids Basic Life Support. I think it'd certainly brush up my BLS as well as my communication skills. I'd just attended the first training for Heartstart and I found the people that I know from that occasion simply great! In addition, I'd put my name on the Chernobly Children's Project (CCP) and the Teddybear Doctor Project. I have yet to hear from the Teddybear thing but I'm thinking of dropping the CCP thing because it'll be quite time consuming for me, not to mention the inconvenience of always having to attend the meeting down at Fallowfield...
I'd always have a great interest and passion about doing voluntary social work, people who know me should be able to tell. But I really don't want to simply dwell in voluntary work through out uni life and miss out on opportunities to participate in more exciting activities... Yet i just couldn't let go of any opportunity for me to volunteer... maybe I should just follow my instict until one day I get sick of it...

Roaming around Manchester again

I find myself quite restless these days. I thought I like to enjoy the peace and quiet in my private study room, but turn out that the longer I stay in my room, the more time I waste, and worse, the more water I drink n the more food(mostly rubbish) I consume. So I ended up going out to the city centre of Manchester early in the morning on Saturday. I bought a badminton racquet and intended to look around n buy some warm clothing n some sports clothing (including swimming suit). Unfortunately I was too undecisive and finally left with nothing. After that I went to a shop in China town n bought some tomyam paste, toufu, a scoop n soya sauce. The weather during that particular morning was terrible. It was raining quite heavily n the wind was so strong that I can see so many people's umbrella breaking! Can u imagine how cold I was? But it was over the moment I board the bus from Piccadilly to MRI. On that evening, Ai Ling, Pei Lian, Mei Lin, Yi Yian n I went to the other seniors' house at Longsight. We spent the whole evening there chatting away and having tea while the others gambled (Very low bet: ranging 1p to 50p). After coming back to Whitworth Park, I served Yi Yian n Ai Ling fried rice with the left over soup. I was flattered when they told me that my cooking was 'professional'... We continued to talk until around 1:30am in the room after dinner. Yi Yian slept over in my room because it was too creepy to go back so late at nite. At the middle of the nite (about half past 4) the fire alarm set off.. I think it was the drunken people at the neighbooring flat who set off the alarm...
This morning, I went off to Fallowfield - Armitage Sports Centre to play badminton. It was great knowing people through the game. I met Raymond - who was my partner n my opponents - Carol of China n Nic of Manchester. I was a bit disappointed that I sweated so little even after the long continuous 1 n a half hour play. On the way back, I met Pei Lian n she invited me over to her place for lunch. She served me porridge mixed with some onions. meat n carrots. She was quite worried that it's not going to be good but actually these days, I don't really care about taste anymore - as long as the rite nutrient gets into my body. Then, before going back, I explored Fallowfield a bit n shopped in Sainsbury for a while. It's basically a nice place to shop - great variety yet I find the goods a bit too expensive compared to stores like Asda n Lidl. By the time took a bus back to the City campus n I reach my room, it was already around half past 5. I was so exhausted (considering that I never slept well the nite before).

messy room 

Very tiring day...

Actually I'm not supposed to be tired but somehow I am. I'd just cooked a complete proper meal for myself for dinner: 1 soup, 1 greens with ham and rice. Doesn't sound too sophisticated, does it? It took my nearly an hour and a half to finish cooking... That's excluding the washing time. That's why I'm so exhausted rite now. Yet I feel happy because I can finally cook a decent meal for myself (Decent enough by a beginner's standard).
Another reason I'm being so tired is that I'd spent almost all nite working on my PBL training case. I don't know why was I so enthusiated about it... It may be my perfectionist attitude that's messing around again (U know.. Yee Yen must be so perfect that she can't afford to miss a single information or she'll die..). However I'm quite happy to say that my hardwork has paid off. I thoroughly enjoyed the PBL today. I contributed so much of info n knowledge that I read through these two days for the case (Though I did blurt some craps...totally stupid..). I guess, to think again, I went searching so much info because I don't want to look or sound too stupid, but I guess judging from today's session, I'd clearly overworked at least by a bit. At the beginning I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to present the information I researched because I barely had enough time to digest it - I stopped researching at 9am n PBL's on 10am. I even tried presenting out aloud in my room during the one hour gap. But it turned out to be ok. My PBL-mates were awesome. The chair for the day, Viv, was really good as he went around asking people for info so none of us would feel left out. At first I was a bit...u know...tergagap-gagap, but it went more or less smoother after the warm up. I was quite impressed at myself being able to fully understand some of the knowledge and explained it explicitly to my PBL-mates without even referring to notes, like stuff about statin, lipoprotein, protein synthesis etc. All of us also seemed to be able to work togather quite coherantly. John was especially supportive for me... I don't know whether he's done it on purpose or not but he gave me two big thumb ups after I explained something about the HDL n LDL.. really made me feel so good! I also want to express my gratitude to my other PBL-mates (Adil, Lauren, Rachel, Rhys, Jeff, Tom, Uzo, Anisha, Viv n Claire) for making this PBL such a success. Thanks also to Dr Melissa Westwood for being such a encouraging n helpful tutor (Was a bit disappointed when she told us that she's not gonna be our tutor for this semester).
On the other hand, dissection was quite a blunder today. We were taught the positioning terms for anatomy n it's as if I completely lost sense of orientation. Each round after learning some terms, Philip (our anatomy demonstrator) would test all of us to see whether we understand the concept. I think I got 3 out of 4 wrong. The worse thing is that I'd actually read about these terms a few days before...I was so embarassed to tell anyone about that.. I'm so used to seeing the movement of the upper limbs in the book that when I was asked questions regarding the hip and the knee, I can't do it.. I think I ought to spend more time grasping the concepts this weekend. I'm not going to allow this to happen again next week!

It's not so bad after all ...

Mom read my previous entry and she was a bit worried... I guess she never realize that the sad stuff I posted might have been exaggerated. After all, I don't expect anyone to take my words seriously. Anyway, I'm gonna write something pleasant now... just for a change in the blog atmosphere.
My first PBL training case - Polly's dilemma had been really fun. The topic was quite an easy and friendly one - something about rainbow, how it forms, how children learn, colour blind and professional responsiblities. Honestly, that's when I really discover the significance of 'others might know what u don't know' because all these while I'd been arrogant enough to think that I can see everything that everyone else can or can't see. I'd read the case quite a number of time and the idea of the kid in the case being possibly colour blind hadn't strike me even once until Rachel pointed out during the PBL session... In fact, that was actually the core problem that we were trying to understand in that case n I haven't even notice it... How foolish of me... Nevertheless, I contributed quite a lot of ideas and opinion to the group and I feel happy n satisfied of doing that...simply because I felt my existance valued. My tutor, Dr Melissa Westwood had been really helpful n considerate too. She actually asked me whether I had a problem with the term 'primary school' ... I think it's because the term defines an age group, in this case 5-11 for UK while if put in the context of Malaysian education system this would define an age group of 7-12.
Last weekend had really been a busy but fun one. On Saturday morning, I walked alone to Asda (Hulme) to buy my kitchen utensils and a duvet. I'd been quite proud to actually courageously roam around the city all by myself after settling down in Manchester for barely a fortnight. Then, during noon, Ai Ling n I went to shop at the city centre (Arndale shopping centre). There, I bought a duvet cover, a sheet set, a scientific calculator, a set of 10 hangers and an Adidas backpack all from Argos. Guess what? I only spent less than £40 for all of that...what an amazing feat of budgeting! For the rest of the nite before retiring, we spent a great time eating home cooked dishes in our chinese seniors' (Rom, Tiong n PuiSan) house. I was like half died by the time I go to bed.
On the next morning, I went fruit picking in a place called Cheshire with the Malay seniors: Mariam, Tika, Ida, Zai and some third n forth year seniors whose names I can't recall. It was an exciting trip. I'd never eaten a fruit that's been freshly plucked in my entire life. There were strawberries, apples, pears and raspberry. We spent have a day picking and eating the fruits before finally returning to Whitworth Park. Later I enjoyed a free lunch in the seniors' flat. (I had been getting loads of free meals since I landed in Manchester :).
After the pleasant n sensational weekend, it's back to serious business again. We started out second PBL training case yesterday n it's proven to be much more challenging than the first one. It's not just plain talking this time. We have to go back n seek for info about the learning objective we've defined. I'm currently working on it n I find it somewhat difficult because we were not told exactly how deep do we need to know. When I open the biochemistry book, it's really quite shocking to see so many technical terms n complicated charts which I'd never seen. It almost look it a book written in a foreign language to me. But I think I'll do fine. I'll just have to sit down (shutdown the computer, hide it far far away) n patiently read through the paragraphs to grasp the concept. I'm confident that I'll do fine. Even if it's not fine, I'm sure it'd be fine. After all they don't call it the 'training case' for nothing, do they?
Rite.. I think it's time for me to signoff n open my books. I'll update this as frequently as I can.

A reunion with my ex-classmates - Azhani, Munira n Ongie 

First Week in Manchester

Here I am, at Manchester... I don't sound too excited, do I? I can't believe how dull I'm feeling now... It's not supposed to be this way. It just happen that the social life here just isn't for me... or maybe I just havn't get used to it yet... Social life here is definitely very very different from what we had back in Malaysia. (Not that I'm a very social person even back in KL) I just prefer spending quality peaceful time in the library or in the room or at home rather than going out and do nonsense (at least that's what I think). Antisocial you think I am? Go on, I don't give a damm.
There's still a huge lot of things I've got to adjust myself to here. First, I've really got to learn to listen more attentively to the British accent. I can understand general stuff, it's just that when they start joking, I'll be keeping stiff at a corner because I don't understand it. I've been taking the power of language for granted. Language is the force that keeps the momentum of a conversation going, seriously! I have become a little more reserved and quiet since I came here because I don't feel fitted in... just like when I was new in BBGS, when everybody speaks PERFECT English while I was still struggling to get my tenses right. I know my English is not bad and the locals here can definitely understand me. I am a language person to an extent.. all I need is a little attitude adjustment. I just need to get my self esteem back on track. Honestly I can tell you that the self-worthyness that's keeping alive and successful before this has gone down at least 50%.
Sometimes I just don't know how to cheer myself up. When I wake up in the morning, I'd tell myself: Today's gonna be a better day than yesterday. Yesterday I didn't talk in PBL, today I'm gonna crap some rubbish, even others ignore me, I'm still gonna carry on. I'm just gonna happy go lucky today. I don't care how other people see me. I don't have to be Ms Perfect in the eyes of others. Well, that's proven to be hard, even impossible in practice. I hated myself, my perfectionist attitude. It's really killing me. I just feel like I can't bear myself making mistake. Everything that's supposed to turn out right MUST turn out right. I do accept that sometimes mistakes and bumps and hiccups I meet in life is unavoidable and constructive, but I just can't bear with the bad feeling guilt and flashbacks and nightmares that won't go off for a very long time. These things are particularly persistent in my mind that I thought I went crazy at times as I keep shouting at myself to 'stop it!'. Fortunately on the other hand, positive reinforcement that I get (we learnt this in lecture today - it's supposed to be a really great way of obtaining feedback) and good memories like having a good laughter with friends are another category of things that persist in my head and that's much sweeter that the negative one, the imperfect one. Once I done something wrong, that thought of 'I could have said this...could have done that' keeps bugging my mind and sometimes I simply get very very sick of it.
Ultimately I know that only I can change myself. So I'm gonna work on quiting the perfectionist attitude starting this moment. And I'm gonna turn into a more cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl that will more or less float along with the flow.

In the fitting room - Metrojaya Midvalley. 

IRP Feedback

• IRP Feedback & Suggestions
  
  1. Start earlier – 1.5 months before exam
  · Because time flies once IRP commences
  · Most people only truly start to revise once IRP starts as the exam’s-really-near mood sets in
  · Should allocate some time for private study (Desperately needed…)
  
  2. Surrounding condition
  · Excellent! – Except during a hot afternoon in a non-air-conditioned venue
  · Table setting for 5-member group not very comfortable (i.e. my group) – One of us always seem to be left out (Library table would be the ideal alternative)
  · Teachers can consider using cordless mike - don’t have to go all the way front to reach the mike
  
  3. English IRP
  · Method of conducting IRP for English – Teachers in front with the mike going through every questions, even ask for volunteers to offer answers as though we were in a class – just doesn’t work for such a large group of students
  · Only people right in front paid attention. The rest – Sleeping, chit-chatting, listening to music, reading bio, completing math paper and most skipping the session altogether
  · At the end of the month long IRP, we only manage to complete about two sets of past year papers…compared that to about 9 sets of econs paper that we manage to complete
  · Members who are good in English not actually helping the weaker ones
  · While they can well exchange and mark each other’s paper (essay especially) and give constructive comment
  · Need a mock exam for English too
  · Should have spent more time clarifying ambiguity in marking scheme of paper 1 (proven rather subjective though it’s supposed to be an objective paper)
  · MALAY & ENGLISH: Teachers often stayed in front only – Students at the back cannot really get teachers’ attention
  
  4. Food
  · GREAT!
  · Soup for mee soto too oily – My stomach always don’t feel right for the evening session after the mee soto
  · Tone down on the sugar in red syrup drink
  · Wish could get icy 100 plus everyday
  · Wish the IRP menu extents till our last day in college
  
  5. Teachers’ support
  · KMB teachers have been the most supportive teachers I’ve ever met
  · You guys really sacrifice for us and I really feel loved and blessed by all of you
  · You guys were so nice that we study so hard because we don’t want to let you down
  · (Personally, I actually feel the teachers were my parents and I’d never want to let my parents down…)
  
  6. Some tips to share…
  · Don’t play a fool. I’d never not get a 7 for Malay in my life and ended up with a 6 in the final exam – think it’s because my group played ‘bingo’ during Malay IRP… Except for one guy, the rest of us in my group didn’t get a 7 for Malay… and mind you we really thought we would…
  · Complete all the past year papers seriously. Econs, for example, most people would only right down answers in point form, too lazy to answer in whole sentences or essays. But writing up the answers properly is important for practice and getting used to the ‘sakit tangan syndrome’ during exam. Proud to say that my group very often complete the econs paper properly, so most of us ended up with 7 – even for some who only managed 5 for their entire life before that
  · Ask! If don’t sure about anything at all, ask. That could be the last chance you ever bump into query that might come out in the exam, so get clarification before you forget – Never procrastinate! Get all the concepts right before the exam – clear all doubts.
  · Keep an OPEN mind. Just because you’ve been performing better in the previous semester, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be wrong. That’s the mistake I made… Never brush off suggestion/opinion by a weaker student straight away. Could tarnish good relationship and communication among members, not to mention kissing goodbye to tonnes of good knowledge. If other members are right, kindly acknowledge them, don’t be afraid to discover your own mistakes. IRP period is the critical time before you embark on one the most important examination in your life, so it’s time to open up your mind or you will surely regret your own arrogance.
  · Smile! IRP can be taxing, yes. But it won’t be as tiring as you think if you don’t think so. Youngsters like us definitely have more that enough stamina to keep us going form 8am – 4pm…definitely not a problem. You’re only tired because you tell yourself that. I always insisted in greeting my IRPmates with a smile… and it did reflect on their faces, until half through an IRP session, hearing the mourning and groaning from neighbouring groups, my group started to dispirit again. The point is – You are what you think you are. Don’t be so vulnerable, so easily influenced by the environment, be it another sleeping neighbour or the warm weather or a senior’s horrible recount about IRP.
  
  That’s about all I have to say about IRP. All in all, I’d really enjoyed the month long IRP. I’ve set high goals for myself but I’m afraid I didn’t fulfill them all. I didn’t achieved 45 points which I targeted and don’t think I made a good leader for my group, but I certainly have learnt a great deal, not only about Malay, English, Econs, Bio, Chem and Math, but also about teamwork, friendship, love and supporting each other.
  

genting trip...fun!!! 

my irp group 

why does holiday have to end?

why? why? it's 5:51am now and i'm waiting for the darn, slow printer to finish printing extended essay so that i'd have peace of mind to sleep. actually i'm not really tired...just felt too bored waiting, while listening to the dudududududu sound from the printer.
i still can't quit my terrible habit of doing work at the last minute. i wonder why... why? but there's no point reasoning about it now. i'm getting back to college tomorrow already. but mind you, i can do amazing feats on the eleventh hour, u know...
i wan to show u guys some pictures
this 'hello' thing is quite stupid isn't it?
maybe not. i always call things that i don't know how to handle stupid...
rite. i'm gonna write dila a testimony now. she'd better write back...