I
was reading your blog. You didn’t tell me that you have been updating your
blog! I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. I didn’t know you are such a deep person.
You
are not the easiest person to have an idle chat. Even on the most trivial subject,
you often end up becoming overly emotional by standard of a normal human. When
emotion dominates, there is no way a reasoned conversation can continue, and I
would never grasp your actual thought process. Through the stories that you
have shared, I have come to realise that it has not been easy for you either. Some
of the issues that you were talking about, for example being excluded by a
popular group of friends in upper high school, were experiences of my past and
many others, and had been settled (forgiven and forgotten) a long time ago.
Yes, I did dismiss you when I shouldn’t have. Why? I don’t want to admit it but
yes, it had to do with you being the youngest. Perhaps I thought such issues
would become non-issue with time and maturity, just like it had been for me. I
did not understand what a torment it could be for a young person still figuring
out.
I
sense insecurity. I see you are in constant need of external validation to
assert your confidence. Is that so? Do you see that coming to an end? Do you
want this to end? Hands down I cannot fathom this. I have never felt I need to
look or present myself a certain way for others to make me feel good. If others
are not happy with the way I want to be, go ahead and shun me out, I couldn’t
care less. I only wish everyday, to do my part, to be as good a daughter and a
doctor as I can be.
It
is interesting that you do not feel you have accomplished enough. If it has not
been obvious enough to you, let me reassure you that you are an outstanding
young lady of your age. You are extremely passionate in the cause you believe
in. You manage to get our family into environmental-aware mode (and trust me, it is
not easy to change something so fundamental among our family members). Although
I cannot share your passion with animals (I am allergic to dog dander), I now
have a new level of respect for them and their rights. You are definitely a
leader. Against all odds, you have successfully organised the Life of Stray
event day. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, but it has definitely made an impact to all
who were involved. Great job on the stage play, Cheng and I were super proud to
have been the sisters of the heroine of the night, I am sure mum and dad felt
the same. You have many talents. And when you are working on something that you
are not so gifted in, you are diligent and persistent till you achieve your
goal. You are the sort of young people I want my children to aspire to be. When
I look at you, I see a prominently figured and naturally confident person. If I
am looking for positive energy, I would look to your direction. You are kind, and you value friendship and relationship, something that I still do not think a priority.
Perhaps
I can offer a useful suggestion. Do you really want to be like the prime
minister and change the world? Rethink your role in the world. For me, that was my turning point. There after, I was more or less calm and content. Seeing
that both of us have this bipolar tendency – ie when we are on a high we become
extremely excited and energetic, and when the inevitable anticlimax comes, we
are dragged into darkness and depression. It is not healthy to have such swings.
I would say keep your feelings in check, try not to become overly invested. On
the other hand, a downfall is not the end of the world. Too extreme of anything
is bad, even if it is the best thing in the world, because when the balance
tips over, you will be hit hard. I have read this is in dharma books before.
Why should we not laugh and sing out heart out over the pleasurable moments in life. Before I didn’t
understand, now I do. Balance it out. You are a clever girl. You will figure it
out.
Do
forgive me. I have been one of those who have failed to give you
acknowledgement when you needed it most. I strive to be a better person each
day. This is important and I must thank you for the reminder.
