First Week in Manchester

Here I am, at Manchester... I don't sound too excited, do I? I can't believe how dull I'm feeling now... It's not supposed to be this way. It just happen that the social life here just isn't for me... or maybe I just havn't get used to it yet... Social life here is definitely very very different from what we had back in Malaysia. (Not that I'm a very social person even back in KL) I just prefer spending quality peaceful time in the library or in the room or at home rather than going out and do nonsense (at least that's what I think). Antisocial you think I am? Go on, I don't give a damm.
There's still a huge lot of things I've got to adjust myself to here. First, I've really got to learn to listen more attentively to the British accent. I can understand general stuff, it's just that when they start joking, I'll be keeping stiff at a corner because I don't understand it. I've been taking the power of language for granted. Language is the force that keeps the momentum of a conversation going, seriously! I have become a little more reserved and quiet since I came here because I don't feel fitted in... just like when I was new in BBGS, when everybody speaks PERFECT English while I was still struggling to get my tenses right. I know my English is not bad and the locals here can definitely understand me. I am a language person to an extent.. all I need is a little attitude adjustment. I just need to get my self esteem back on track. Honestly I can tell you that the self-worthyness that's keeping alive and successful before this has gone down at least 50%.
Sometimes I just don't know how to cheer myself up. When I wake up in the morning, I'd tell myself: Today's gonna be a better day than yesterday. Yesterday I didn't talk in PBL, today I'm gonna crap some rubbish, even others ignore me, I'm still gonna carry on. I'm just gonna happy go lucky today. I don't care how other people see me. I don't have to be Ms Perfect in the eyes of others. Well, that's proven to be hard, even impossible in practice. I hated myself, my perfectionist attitude. It's really killing me. I just feel like I can't bear myself making mistake. Everything that's supposed to turn out right MUST turn out right. I do accept that sometimes mistakes and bumps and hiccups I meet in life is unavoidable and constructive, but I just can't bear with the bad feeling guilt and flashbacks and nightmares that won't go off for a very long time. These things are particularly persistent in my mind that I thought I went crazy at times as I keep shouting at myself to 'stop it!'. Fortunately on the other hand, positive reinforcement that I get (we learnt this in lecture today - it's supposed to be a really great way of obtaining feedback) and good memories like having a good laughter with friends are another category of things that persist in my head and that's much sweeter that the negative one, the imperfect one. Once I done something wrong, that thought of 'I could have said this...could have done that' keeps bugging my mind and sometimes I simply get very very sick of it.
Ultimately I know that only I can change myself. So I'm gonna work on quiting the perfectionist attitude starting this moment. And I'm gonna turn into a more cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl that will more or less float along with the flow.