Tired... but I shall not be streesed

Stress comes from what we perceive, it's all in our mind.

Yet, I'll be lying if I tell you that I'm not stressed out. Perhaps not really stressed, but certainly quite tired. I've been having a few crazy weeks working non stop.

Firstly, Neuroscience is simply too interesting for be that I don't mind forgoing my sleep just to study it. Other medics will call that self inflicted trouble. It's just like solving math questions: Symptoms usually would tell you where the lesion is and what kind of consequences do you expect. But again, as in math, you'll have to learn the basic formula/theories first before proceeding on to problem solving. In this case, the basics include the anatomy (most important)and physiology of brain and spinal cord. I am really looking forward to the day I finally finish studying the whole brain and start solving problems - so excited!!!!!

I have to admit that I've been spending relative large amount of time on extra-curricular activities. On monday evening, I attend Judo lesson, I travel to Hope Hospital for Reache on Wednesday and attend Buddhism society talk on Thursday evening. I've also been really busy organizing the After School Club induction day (which went really well-loads of positive comments especially on organisation), making arrangement for volunteers' CRB check and liaisoning with volunteers, parents and Greenheys management. While these are certainly invaluable experiences for me and I enjoy every moment of them, they are quite demanding on my time and energy. At this very moment, I can feel my head spinning.

I went to the Manchester Museum today to discuss about yet another work I've volunteered for. The job involves cataloging collections of insects. I told Dr Dmitri that I'm afraid of living insects and don't really like them. Then he took a frame out from a cabinet and showed me these really really beautiful moths. They looked like butterflies and one was blue, another purplish and last one pink. They all glowed, and that's not because of pigmentation but it is a rendation formed by the thousands of scales on the wings which creates an optic illusionary effects. That was really fascinating, I immediately decided that I really want to see more of those and the dislike/pseudophobia towards insects vanished almost immediately.

I wanted to write about my PBL session today but decided that I better not because it's bound to be long-winded. All I have to say is that Prof Tomlinson was mean to me today to the point that I was at the verge of tears (while still pretending to laugh). But I still enjoyed the session very much.

The thing about PBL and these extra-curricular activities are that I enjoy them so much that I often get euphoria as an after effect. The after effect can sometimes last for days! Especially because of the fact that I work hard on PBL and for After School Club, people get really impressed from what I've done and that becomes a strong positive reinforcement for me = double/triple euphoria! When I'm in the state of euphoria, I cannot concentrate on doing proper stuff like studying. I'll have to find a solution for that soon, or else I'll lag behind in PBL...

So now I better get back to neuroscience right now. I'm doing something I really enjoy, and therefore I shouldn't be stressed. I'm not stressed, and shall not be stressed.

Work

Today's been really enjoyable. We studied the skull in dissection and I thought I was going to be so blur during the session. I spent a while (about 1.5 hr) before dissection going through the human anatomy atlas in the library. So at the end the memorisation paid off. I kind of know almost everything on the skull already. Test me if you want. AH..... I love the sense of satisfaction of knowing something that's universally known to be difficult.

This week had been quite a crazy week for me. I haven't wasted a single minute of my weekend amd yet I've only managed to tick off 1 out of the 14 learning objectives to be due for the PBL discussion tomorrow. What am I going to do??? This case's just mad! We literally have to study the whole brain in 4 days. I really really love the neuro challenge, but I think it has gone past the threshold for me to keep motivated. Now I just feel like going to bed and who cares if I screw up in PBL tomorrow. I just feel pointless rushing through 13 learning objectives in less that 12 hours. I think I shall just sleep for like 2/3 hours and see if I'll wake up feeling more enthusiastic.

The legendary girls schools

I went to a secondary school which accepted only girls throughout its 109 years history since its beginning in 1893. But in the first year I left, they started admitting boys. Two years from now, yet another century old school which my sister went to, Kuen Cheng Girls School, will start to enrol boys. As a former student who attended its primary school (SJK(C) Kuen Cheng 1), I feel sad to learn the decision. I often wonder whether or not these changes are just inevitable.

Studying in an all girls school has been a really unique experience for me. While the school can be constantly filled with bitching and gossiping, we've also managed to cultivate some traditions rarely seen in co-ed school. I really missed those days when we screamed out loud in extremely high pitch breaking our throats (and other people's eardrums) for little things like getting into the semifinals of choral speaking competition. Girls are also really fond of crying over little things. I remembered Ai Ming, who was one of the toughest person I've ever seen, cried a few days before our form 5 sports day while captaining the Maclay house because of the pressure. Sports days are the best. We somehow always managed to come up with good cheers which rhyme well, making every single spectators get into the sporting spirit. I had never had a boring sports day. I admit that guys can be real jokers at times but we girls had our own jokes about guys. I recalled having laughed every single day in school during my fifth form and that's just really fun.

One thing I really need to give credit to my secondary school is the boost in self confidence I get. I would never be who I am today without BBGS/SMKSBU. A girls school gives girls the opportunity to do great things without the help of guys, and that's really important. In college especially, girls would always be excluded from important leadership role and physically demanding tasks. That kind of annoyed me because I believe both gender should have equal opportunity to undertake important responsibilities as well sa carrying all kinds of tasks, physically demanding or not.

It is true that I had some problem dealing with guys when I study in higher education institution, but that's because I rarely have the chance to interact with the opposite sex. I don't go for tuition and the only guy in my family is my father. Not many people have such unique circumstances right? Furthermore dealing with guys is not an incredibly difficult skill to learn. It took me only a few weeks to get used to talking to guys.

Long live all girls schools!

The Manchester transportation system

Before I first arrived in the UK, mummy always tell me that the UK transportation system is so reliable that you can put your life to it. After spending a year here, I beg to differ. To be fair, most of the time it's ok, but when something goes wrong, I tend to be really really frustrated.

My first time being failed by the system was during my second GP visit in my first year. I went to the train station an hour ahead of the time but two trains to my destination were cancelled, leaving me about 20 minutes late for my first meeting with a patient.

And today another nonsense come by. I waited at the Failsworth station for a train to Manchester for almost an hour and a half only to be told by a fellow waiting passenger who called the rail enquiry that there's no train running because of technical fault. We were asked to use the bus replacement service instead. Fine. I thought this was bad enough. I waited for the bus for almost half an hour, then I saw a train leaving the platform! The train was up and running again and I missed it. I went up to the platform again and waited for at least another half an hour for the next train. And I've wasted at least 2 hours today because of this rubbish. To add on to my frustration. I wasn't in such a good state today. I had to wake up at 7am today for a HeartStart volunteering, endured 2 hours of car travel to and from the school, then brace through the rain to get to Failsworth Health Centre in Oldham then face this nonsense. I've been through all these with just a handful of cereal chucked into my mouth early in the morning and a cup a hot chocolate courtesy of the health centre in my belly. In the train station, I watched the rain stops and gets heavy and stops and gets heavy again. I was freezing and my feet really hurt because I was wearing a new shoes.

So to sum up, this is one of the low days that I had and I just want to vent my frustration towards the Manchester transportation system.

Interesting week!

As it was rightly predicted by Shakirah (thanks for the comment by the way), I managed to sort out my PBL work before the PBL discussion session on Tuesday. I did not sleep for the whole night before to finish the PBL work... well I haven't actually finish them but I've done quite a reasonable amount. Tuesday's PBL discussion was rather interesting as well. My tutor Tomlinson sat beside me instead of his usual place right in front to 'make me feel nice'. I've probably said this before but I have to say it again - he's really one helpful tutor. He really knows the sciences well. Even I get corrected when talking about pharmacology stuff (which has never happened for the previous two semester as I'm the Queen of pharmacology). I really enjoyed having him in the group.

Wednesday's lab practical was the most interesting yet. We injected each other with local anaesthetic. I received four jabs from my partner while I gave him a jab. It was really fun! After the practical everyone was talking about it and proudly showing off their scars!

I'm also attending a training for a job as a stop smoking adviser. I hope everything goes on smoothly and I'll be able to actually do it unlike the Apex nursing thing. On Thursday night, I went to a Buddhist society talk. Met a few people and overall it was quite good and I'll definitely do for it again whenever I'm available. Yesterday morning, I went to the Manchester Blood Service centre to donate by blood. I have also consented to join the bone marrow register. And after that, I still can't believe it but I actually spent 6 hours in the library! Got quite a bit of neuroanatomy done.

What do you do if you simply can't control yourself?

I meant to study. I really meant to. But I just couldn't do it. I don't know why. I get distracted so easily. So up to this moment, I haven't done anything for my PBL. I had just wasted my entire weekend.

I have to admit that I began with a bad start this term. I felt more organized last term (or was it only the end of last term?... whatever) . I have covered most of the learning objectives for case 1. But just for the record, I still haven't done 1. the nature of joint and 2. the psychosocial bit. That's quite an awful lot of reading to do. And now we are in the middle of second case already.

O dear. I have yet to start even one learning objective for case 2, not to mention the preparation for dissection and neuroanatomy that I am suppose to prepare this weekend. I feel like kicking myself. So any good suggestion for me?

Euphoria

I'm in such a state of euphoria that I can't sleep. The Buddha said that we should not always have big fluctuation in mood, but I think I deserve this one.

I had to make a presentation for about 3 minutes during the Medsin Explained session yesterday. Medsin, as I've probably said it for 1000 times in the freshers fair, is the Medical Student Internation Network that looks after different projects and campaign internationally, nationally and locally. The After School Club which I am coordinating this year is one of the projects under Medsin and I had to make a presentation to recruit new volunteers for the club.

You have no idea how nervous I was before I went to speak. There were at least 100 people in the lecture theatre which can actually fit 200 people. My hands were so cold. I was almost shivering already while waiting for my turn to speak. I have never made any presentation in front of so many people (esp mat salleh) before. And I won't be given a microphone!

Then it was my turn. It was nerve wreaking for the first couple of seconds. My first words when I looked at the audience was 'This is overwhelming!'. Then everything went fine. Poeple laughed at my jokes. I even managed to come up with some spontaneous humour! At the end, I got a great applause, even some cheers from the audience (which no one else got). Everyone was just telling me that 'i think you were really good', and it was indeed fantastic to hear that. And at the end of the day, I managed to get a total of 60 people to sign up, that's triple the amount of volunteers that we had last year, which also means that we will be able to support an extra 40 Somali refugee children! All these while in the first year, I was just a passive volunteer. I have no idea that that it feels owesome to we get involved and actually make things happen ourselves.

The fact that I'm from Malaysia probably gave me a bit of advantage. I might even have inspired some international student to take on some more important roles in matsalleh dominated commitee such as this one. I told them that I would not be here talking had I not done this last year, which is partly true. I owe my current high level of confidence to all sorts of things, like PBL, the UMAP project, Heartstart, After School Club, Judo, Reache and the Medics in Primary School Scheme. Come to look at the list now, it was a bit too much that I did last year. But it didn't really affected my studies in anyway, unless you consider getting honours grade in all tests not good enough. In fact I think they do make me a better person. So, instead of wasting my life away shopping and sleeping, I've decided to carry on with my hectic schedule and do as much as I can for myself and others. As the Buddha said 'Don't be idle. A useful day full of intense effort is better than a hundred years of idleness and inactivity'.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank the Medsin commitee for their support. They are one of the most friendly people I have ever met. Also, I would to give a special thank to Yusmin. She is certainly the best Medsin Vice-president for projects I can ever ask for. She is full of confidence and passion, and she are ever so nice to me. She had been really patient with my lack of confidence to speak especially during the Freshers fair and I have just never seen her support fade. So thanks for that. And to the other project leaders - Hannah, Ruth, Jan, Carolyn etc, it's been really nice talking to all of you.

Just to add to the sense of euphoria of this blog entry, I have just been back from Reache, and a poster explaining what the PLAN session do in Reache has been selected as one of the top ten posters out of about 490 in a Medical Education conference in Italy. I feel happy because I had been one of the students Ben (a final year medical student who created the poster) interviewed for this poster, and the fact that I've contributed for the success of almost every PLAN session except for the summer holiday and the exam week. So, congratulations Pip, Mick, Ben and all student volunteers and members of Reache.