S is a driver of the nursing agency I work for. He brings us to and from hospital which is miles away. I am not much of a chatter in a minibus especially as I feel sick really quickly. So I've not really know him much eventhough we've met on quite a few occasions now, but I know he's a really nice fella. Today he picked me up first and we spent about 20 minutes waiting outside another place for the other carers. I thought it would be awkward to just keep quiet, so I started chatting. We talked about the journey, the agency and our jobs. Then he said something unexpected. He told me about his low mood, about problems in life and how this job is just to force him to get out of the depressive mood. I didn't know how to react. If I were with my patient, I would sit down and have a proper chat to find out more. Yet just now I wasn't sure if I should dwell in at all. It just didn't feelt very natural - would you tell someone about things like relationship problems to a stranger? I wouldn't. I just listened. Our conversation abruptly ended as people started getting onto the minibus. It has given me a lot to think about. He has certainly hidden his low mood very well as I'd never have guessed that he's just barely coping. It challenged my judgement on people's mental state based on their behaviours.
But why did he tell me those things? In my last GP placement, I had the privillage of sitting in with a clinical psychologist in one of her therapy sessions. I can tell that these sessions were very painful for the patients because they relive their terrible ordeal. I personally am quite an expressive person, but I (and everyone else I suppose) have bad memories that I shall never ever want to think about. Making me think and talk about them would be akin to stripping myself naked. It would make me feel extremely insecure and allow others to invade me. So what made a S tell me about things so intimate to a stranger like myself? Was it normal? Was it an outburst? Was it because I was in my nurse uniform and I told him that I'm a medical student? Was it not really stripping himself naked emotionally after all, or was he simple not an emotional virgin anymore?
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3 comments:
I think u think too much la yen.. He's just a person who needs somebody to express his feelings to.. Everyone needs somebody like that once in a while..
I understand wat u mean.. I used to think i'm like somebody wearing a mask, trying to cover my weaknesses as much as possible.. Then i realised almost everyone is wearing the same mask..
I'm still like that.. But sometimes, just like u told me b4, admiting our weaknesses and accepting bad memories as a part of our past, help to make us grow and make us stronger.. And it certainly needs strength and courage to do that..
Just dun worry bout it la.. Everyone has their own way of managing stress.. Like, most girls like to talk to their frens when they have prob, but i like to sort things out on my own.. Okla i let teng comment la.. Hehe ^.^
yen...i think ur a bit too insecure la...u think la... who would strip homself naked in front of other?? he tell u those thing maybe cos he dun feel being strip naked lo... cos u olso need something to "output" ur feelings de mah~~ come on dun think too much~juz think that it was juz a chat n a subject he pick to express feelings.. maybe sometimes u should try too... it dun feel as bad as stripping naked...mayb its juz the way he output he's feeling..
Yup you two are right, I think too much. Infection from Cheng. And I was just thinking about what you two said, and thought about the culture on expressing oneself here. Let me give you an analogy. Western people are quite used to wearing clothes which expose lots of flesh, while I would feel quite uncomfortable wearing spegetti strapes top or mini skirts. Not to say I'm old fashion, just that I am not brought up to be accustomed to that level of exposure. The same with emotion. Asian people hide their emotions well (that's why 'amuk' is so much more common among malays because they always keep their feelings inside to end up with a big outburst of psychosis). Western people talk about things like that much more casually, that eventhough it's still stripping themselves naked to an extent, it's no big deal for them.
Would you please ask Lee what's her favourite colour for me?
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