Time to tell u guys about what has been going on lately in Manchester. Got my semester 1 results last friday. Sat for 2 papers (semester 1 test n progress test), got honours for both papers! Couldn't believe my eyes when i read it! Anyway though i'd worked quite hard for the previous semester, i'd still say it's more of luck that got me my honour grade. So, thanks for all the blessings.
Yesterday some Petronas people came to Manchester and we went out to a Malaysian Restaurant for a meeting session. Food was great. Talk by Dr Rosti was quite boring, mainly talked about stuff relevant to the Petronas business like engineering n finance. Then at the end had a bit of chat with him n the other delagates who came. It was alright overall.
Just came back from Stopford Building, had a lecture on hypertension n did PBL Case 5 this morning. Thought I contributed a fair amount of information. U know what Andrew did to me? I hate him! He wrote the word 'PENIS' on the back of my left hand with a permanent marker! Can't wash it off... That's so annoying! I thought I almost burst out in tears just now in the library. I'm soooooo frustrated right now! I'm not talking to him for at least a month from now!
Monday, February 27
Sunday, February 19
Nothing can bother me today - I'M HAPPY!
The title makes me sound as though I'm crazy...
But indeed, I'm really ecstatic today! After reading the many letters in the 'Let's Hear It' section of The Star Education for many weeks, I finally can't stand it and wrote an email to the section editor last week. Many parents and students were complaining about the Science and Math teachers' poor standard of English, and I wrote in some of my experience in college, having to learn Biology and Chemistry from Pn Norharyatee and Pn Azizah who were not so well versed in English then. I'm so happy that my letter's been published! Mum and some of my friends said it was a touching letter, though it could have been more dramatic if it wasn't editted at all (some of the words were changed and the overall piece was cut short). The students these days think their English is so good that they have to complain in the newspaper each time a teacher makes a spelling error... I'm so appalled by their attitude, and worse, they have full backing from their parents and the media. What's wrong with these people? If they are so smart, how can they not even comprehend the simple common sense that language cannot be learnt overnight and without making mistakes? I hope I manage to send my mesage across through the brief letter.
Have a look at the letter by following this link
http://thestar.com.my/education/story.asp?file=/2006/2/19/education/13405669
and if you wish, tell me what you think about it.
But indeed, I'm really ecstatic today! After reading the many letters in the 'Let's Hear It' section of The Star Education for many weeks, I finally can't stand it and wrote an email to the section editor last week. Many parents and students were complaining about the Science and Math teachers' poor standard of English, and I wrote in some of my experience in college, having to learn Biology and Chemistry from Pn Norharyatee and Pn Azizah who were not so well versed in English then. I'm so happy that my letter's been published! Mum and some of my friends said it was a touching letter, though it could have been more dramatic if it wasn't editted at all (some of the words were changed and the overall piece was cut short). The students these days think their English is so good that they have to complain in the newspaper each time a teacher makes a spelling error... I'm so appalled by their attitude, and worse, they have full backing from their parents and the media. What's wrong with these people? If they are so smart, how can they not even comprehend the simple common sense that language cannot be learnt overnight and without making mistakes? I hope I manage to send my mesage across through the brief letter.
Have a look at the letter by following this link
http://thestar.com.my/education/story.asp?file=/2006/2/19/education/13405669
and if you wish, tell me what you think about it.
Thursday, February 16
Frustration
WARNING: Comments on this post are bitter. If you think you can't tolarate opinions which are narrow and nasty because somebody's not in the mood for positive and open thinking, please don't bother continuing.
Perhaps this is one of the days when I just keep thinking about negative side of stuff. About people, about PBL, about the things I do, basically about everything.
About this Malaysian girl, lets call her X. She thinks she so clever about knowing the British culture. I was just telling her about my comtemplation about going for tonight's Malaria pubcrawl, not because I enjoy it, but because I want to have fun with some of my dearest friends from my previous PBL. And she went on saying things about cultural difference, saying that British teenagers like alcohol because it makes them feel braver and more sociable. Well, who doesn't know that? But from my experiences going to pubs and nightclubs, which are more than hers I'm sure, the brats here just want to get wasted because apparently 'it feels nice'. I've tried it... and it does feels nice. Then she kept on arguing with me about what British does and does not when it comes to alcohol. I tried to be nice, but to a point I just feel really frustrated about it. I just don't want to carry on arguing anymore. What does she know? She's only been to a nightclub once, and she isn't even close with her own PBL group. Her circle of friends are really just fellow Malaysians. She likes to talk as though she's so strong and knows everything, but in actual fact, she knows nothing. Most of the things she said are words from her friends. All she does all day is shutting herself in the room and saying this and that about mat salleh, without even having the guts to go out into the world and meet a horizon of colours out there. I'm not saying that I'm much better than her, but at the least I've been to pubs and clubs a couple of times with my PBL-mates and went to my British friends' houses for Christmas and are joining judo and voluntary work, embrassing my fear of meeting new people and doing something that I feel strongly about. She always bitch about the Malays, the British, literally everyone that's not Chinese... and sometimes I'm just too tired of arguing with her because nothing changes her mind... it only makes her feel more rightly about herself. Mum's always telling me to make friends with Malaysian, but people like that, how do I bear with them? We simply have different wavelength.
It's really frustrating being with people who thinks so differently from me and refuse to acknowledge that other's way of thinking is ok...
Perhaps this is one of the days when I just keep thinking about negative side of stuff. About people, about PBL, about the things I do, basically about everything.
About this Malaysian girl, lets call her X. She thinks she so clever about knowing the British culture. I was just telling her about my comtemplation about going for tonight's Malaria pubcrawl, not because I enjoy it, but because I want to have fun with some of my dearest friends from my previous PBL. And she went on saying things about cultural difference, saying that British teenagers like alcohol because it makes them feel braver and more sociable. Well, who doesn't know that? But from my experiences going to pubs and nightclubs, which are more than hers I'm sure, the brats here just want to get wasted because apparently 'it feels nice'. I've tried it... and it does feels nice. Then she kept on arguing with me about what British does and does not when it comes to alcohol. I tried to be nice, but to a point I just feel really frustrated about it. I just don't want to carry on arguing anymore. What does she know? She's only been to a nightclub once, and she isn't even close with her own PBL group. Her circle of friends are really just fellow Malaysians. She likes to talk as though she's so strong and knows everything, but in actual fact, she knows nothing. Most of the things she said are words from her friends. All she does all day is shutting herself in the room and saying this and that about mat salleh, without even having the guts to go out into the world and meet a horizon of colours out there. I'm not saying that I'm much better than her, but at the least I've been to pubs and clubs a couple of times with my PBL-mates and went to my British friends' houses for Christmas and are joining judo and voluntary work, embrassing my fear of meeting new people and doing something that I feel strongly about. She always bitch about the Malays, the British, literally everyone that's not Chinese... and sometimes I'm just too tired of arguing with her because nothing changes her mind... it only makes her feel more rightly about herself. Mum's always telling me to make friends with Malaysian, but people like that, how do I bear with them? We simply have different wavelength.
It's really frustrating being with people who thinks so differently from me and refuse to acknowledge that other's way of thinking is ok...
Thursday, February 2
i hate myself...
I'm really a goal oriented person. When I say I want to get something done, I'll do everything to make sure I get it done. I'd plan my stuff properly, work ridiculously hard and have my mind set on a positive mode. And when things don't go according to my plan, not surprisingly, I get really upset with myself. This has happened to me throughout semester 1 and I'm currently suffering my first bout of depression for this brand new semester (and today's only the fourth day of the semester). I wonder why can't I just stop thinking so badly about myself. I have learnt enough that setting unrealistic goals are just stupid. The goals I set for myself now aren't too much to handle. It's just things like contributing stuff about pneumothorax, PSTD and bystander intervention in today's PBL, yet even that I couldn't do it. I was just so quiet. Though I'm quite sure the people (my new PBL-mates and the tutor) won't make judgement about me based on this session alone as I've proven myself to be quite a bubbly, intelligent and reasonable person in other occasions, academically and socially. I simply feel unsatisfied that I wasn't even able to get my ideas across the table, after spending one whole night awake finishing my PBL work, which makes me even angrier at myself. And I told myself if I don't understand something, unlike the last semester, I would ask. But now I'm behaving just the same, no courage to ask my tutor/lecturer/demonstrator things that I'm not sure of (well, as a consolation, at least I managed to ask Dr Tracey a 15 second question about the FEV thing just now..). Then I thought this may just not be my lucky day, everyone has these days... and I really ought not to feel down just because today isn't my lucky day. I can rant on and on about the many positive reassurances and alternative points of view I tell myself, yet it's just the down feeling that won't go away. I don't feel I have control over myself anymore these days.
I had a really fresh start for this semester. First day of PBL was great, even most of the stuff I talked about was rubbish. First dissection was good.. thoracic anatomy that I crammed in the night before (until 3:30am) manage to come out of my brain during the practical. I loved my teaching session with primary school children yesterday, felt that the kids really enjoyed it too. Then I went for judo, which was so much fun that I wanted to share every single detail here.. the endorphin lasted for almost 1 day!.. but now I've just spoilt everything. I don't feel like thinking about anything anymore, even the good ones. Just feel numbed. I hate myself.
I had a really fresh start for this semester. First day of PBL was great, even most of the stuff I talked about was rubbish. First dissection was good.. thoracic anatomy that I crammed in the night before (until 3:30am) manage to come out of my brain during the practical. I loved my teaching session with primary school children yesterday, felt that the kids really enjoyed it too. Then I went for judo, which was so much fun that I wanted to share every single detail here.. the endorphin lasted for almost 1 day!.. but now I've just spoilt everything. I don't feel like thinking about anything anymore, even the good ones. Just feel numbed. I hate myself.
Stress
I'm really saddened that some people just can't emphatise with people who can't control their feelings and say things like 'you are stressed because you choose to be'. I don't know a great deal about the choices but I certainly have never wanted stress or depression. It just came uninvited (isn't that obvious?) and sticks in your head. Today Dr Bundy was saying that oversea students had to deal with extra stress about the lonely experience, and I truly appreciate that. My perfectionist attitude (which I'm trying to gradually quit, trust me) and frequent bouts of depression were already driving me mad, things get worse when I had literally no one to turn to, let alone the feeling of suffocation in environment where human interaction is lacking. There's just no channel of expression at all, and therefore lead to problems of getting on with life... I was really tempted to call my parents and pour out all my emotions, but they'd either not have cared or start to nag at me. I know it really sounds contradictory but my point is at the end of the day, I just keep everything to myself and cry under the blanket alone. Sometimes it's really easy for people to say things like 'switch off', 'go out and have fun'or rubbish like that, but they really wouldn't understand that it's so much easier to say it than to do it.
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