Tears have run dry. I cannot believe that I have let the mental block defeated me this time. It's a harsh lesson and I have let all my supporters down. There will never be a next time. I am ready for the next battle now. Whatever that comes my way on Thursday, I will face it being stronger that ever.

.

Can't stop thinking!!!

about my OSCE. I don't think I've done enough to pass. If I fail I think it will be a borderline fail. If I pass it will be borderline as well. I've not failed any OSCE before. But I've never achieved above average grade either. I was on the wrong frame of mind when doing the OSCE, kept on overhearing other people doing their stations and thinking how other people are doing so much better than I am (breaking the rule of EWW 3 - see below). And I kept on dwelling on how many marks out of 7 on each station have I obtained while I should have left the judging to the examiner as it was their job to worry about those, not mine. I'm also worried about the PMP paper. I found it really hard, couldn't answer more than half of the questions. Don't understand how other people can be so chilled out about it.

In my grade 6 piano exam I scraped through with 101 mark (the pass mark was 100), my narrowest escape yet. I'm sure I didn't deserve to pass as I was stopping all the through the pieces and sounded very unpractised. I remembered on the way out the door I said to the examiner sorry I performed badly it was because I was very nervous. Maybe that's why he took pity on me and gave me that literally borderline pass.

Would I be so lucky this time around?

If I have to resit, I will know what I have to do to pass, and I shall pass. I had the substance, just not the right frame of mind. It was really comforting that one of my friends who is a mature student said that I will pass because she trusts me to look after her and her family as a doctor.

One more paper tomorrow.

And then I need to go away. Don't speak to me about medicine and exams in the mean time.

.

Exam words of wisdom (EWW)

1. (from Hannah - my final year revision study buddy) An examiner said to her once 'You looked confident. Do you enjoy taking exam?' And she replied 'Yes, of course'. Exam is the only short period of time we are allowed to show how much we know. So we must make the most of it and enjoy it! She makes it sound like we are going on a wonderful holiday...

2. (from mummy) People around you, people who work with you everyday say that you are good. They can't all be wrong. Just be confident and do as you normally would in the exam.

3. (from Su Min my secondary school friend) Do your best, don't think about beating other people, just keep your mind focused on doing your best. (I was an underdog in the long jump event then and was not doing well in ranking. I took her advice, focused, and just jumped my heart out. Broke my own personal record and very surprisingly won a medal - one that I am most proud of among all the medals I have won. Su Min won gold.)

Thanks for all your encouraging SMS and letters and cards mummy and papa and sisters! I feel so blessed.

Feel free to add more EWW.

Happy belated birthday to me! 25 this year!

.

... has gone mad!

Beautiful day! When I'm in revision mode, I tend to me in my little world, locking myself in the room with the curtain closed. What a surprsise this morning when I go out to see the whole ground, trees and building snow white! The snow was just above my ankle deep. NICE. Bus was super slow, I thought I was late for the lecture, but when I arrived half of the people had not arrived yet.

This is the part when I thought the world has gone mad. In the middle of the lecture, the lecturer made an announcement: 'In view of the adverse weather conditions and consequential transport disruptions in and around Manchester, the university ... advises all staff and students to leave from 12 noon today and that all buildings will be closed from 2pm today. So guys, lectures this afternoon are cancelled.'. And the reaction from the student? 'OH NO!!!'

When is students ever disappointed over lecture cancellation?

Then when the lecture finishes, people went out of the building and started having snow ball fights. I didn't join in of course because I'm no longer a child. Some snowballs landed on me nonetheless.

I'd have thought rain (especially windy, torrential, violent rain) is a better reason to give people a day off than snow.

.