Arrogance

Last week, I was in the ward with two other final year medical students. I like being with them. They are so busy catching up with revision and I get to learn stuff essential for exams. One of them was really nice, teaching me lots of mnemonics and loved playing the teacher, quizzing me on various things and enthusiastically predicting the OSCE stations that may come up in my end of year exams. The other one was alright I thought, but he became more annoying as the day went. He didn't really want to engage in conversation with me and the other nice guy. And then later on, he observed my cannulation technique and kept on telling me all sorts, building up the pressure, and finally I thought he was quite happy that I failed so he could have a go. The nice guy said he's over the top, sometimes feeling that he's better than everyone else. He jokingly said that I would be like that in two years time.

Which really made me wonder. I could actually turn out to be arrogant like the other guy when I reach his stage. I don't want to turn out like that. But, really, can what should I do to avoid it? What should I do if I already know more than I should? I sometimes try to keep quiet to give others a chance and to not show off too much. But sometimes others may see that as arrogance. I have clear weaknesses too - everyone who knows me can tell that I can't make idle conservation easily and I rarely attend social events, which makes others misjudge me.

In a recent portfolio review, I told the tutor that I feel bad for taking extra initiative to learn more than I am expected to. And she told me that's nonsense. My most enjoyable placement was the SSC in A+E, not only because it was a great learning place, but also because I don't have to lower my standard according to the ability of the medical students of my year group. It's complicated.

At the end of the day, I don't want to be better than anyone else. I just want to be a good doctor, a doctor who knows my stuff well. I don't know how is it like to practise medicine in Malaysia. But I would expect less senior support given the shortage of doctors in the rural areas. So when I am alone in the deep jungle of Sabah treating the indigenous people, I don't want to make mistake on my patients because I haven't learn enough in medical school.