Have I reached my limit?

I would like to think I haven't but I'm not sure. My life definitely need sorting out now. It's just a problem of the balancing act, a vital component of being a medic. Since starting the clinical year, I've been feeling really exhausted everyday. I normally wake up at 5am just to do some reading and get ready, and then go out at 7:15am to catch the bus to reach the hospital at 8:30am. Then I don't leave the hospital until about 4:30-5pm, and usually reach home at about 7:30-8pm. As you can imagine, I'd be totally drained off by then that I would mess around with the computer for a while then go to bed. If I'm not too worn out, I might cook something or shower. If I need to do some any assignment for the next day, I would wake up at 2:30am to do it.

So, for the past few weeks, I haven't been eating or resting well. My standard of hygiene has fallen, and my room is in a big mess.

Plus, I feel bad that I'm not doing enough for medsin as I hold the vice president post. To be honest, I don't really know what the way forward is. My job is to liase with the projects and make sure the projects get the support they need. The thing is no one from the project has contacted me for help, so I assumed that they're all doing ok. I'm not really looking for work to do at the moment. I know I should be communicating more frequently with the projects but I just have no energy or time left to do that. In addition, I have my own Crossing Borders project to coordinate (At the same time, Gemma the co-coordinator is also have a stress-related break down). Also, there seems to be a communication problem within the medsin manchester committee. I have a feeling that people are not too happy with me but they are not saying it. This is really frustrating because everyone may think that I'm a bitch but I don't know what the problem is. Medsin is a constant source of headache I wonder why I took up the position in the first place. And for the past two weekends, I've been away from Manchester to attend national medsin events.

Luckily papa and mummy relationship problem has eased off a bit. It was quite emotionally taxing to be a mediator between the two of them over the summer.

So, as for last week, I was at least still quite motivated to read through stuff I've picked up in the ward and clinics. But now I just don't feel like doing anything. The medical team in the ward is nice. Janet who is a consultant has learnt my name and has started to boss me around to do stuff in the ward, but I like it. The other doctors have been really kind to me as well that now I'm beginnning to feel like part of the team. Maybe that's why I feel that I need to know everything I've learnt in the ward in order to not appear stupid.

I have yet to tear but I'm having a really hard time controlling it. Hopefully I'll be able to get some good rest this weekend and get my balance right again.

Getting better

These two weeks, particularly this week have been productive eventhough I actually spent less time on the ward compared to the first week. We are getting braver at voicing our concern for lack of quality teaching to registrars. I also found myself communicating a little more to the medical team, which obviously makes life easier even if it only means that one of the consultant has learnt to recognise that I'm a medical student attached to the renal ward.

Just going to summarise what I did this week:

Monday: Teaching for the whole day, learnt catheterisation, otherwise unproductive
Tuesday: Went to contact lens clinical trial in the morning and earned 20pounds. HPN clinic in the afternoon - very very good, learnt loads.
Wedsnesday: Consultant ward round-learnt about CV exam, leg exam, enterocutaneous fistula, read observation chart, anti-anginal drugs, pCO2 etc - very useful, consultant said 'the medical student don't know anything but very enthusiasted', took it as a compliment. Practised venupuncture and cannulation on dummies, getting steady. Clerked two more patients. Watched ST insert a femoral line and the nurse preparring and finishing dialysis.
Thursday: Good clinical teaching on abdo exam. Took a history togather with 3 other people in my group as part of the teaching(... sort of realise that my history taking being more systematic). PBL on renal artery stenosis - especially enjoyable because I've picked up quite a good amount of renal medical knowledge.
Friday: First time in theatre for Permcath insertion, wore oversized scrubs (size S). Dr was nice, cared to explained things to me, nurses was friendly showing me around. Also discussed an SLE patient's management with the doctor and learnt immunosuppressive therapy. Went to ward and took blood from two patients. One failure (stabbed him 3 times still no blood...) and one success (at my first go!) [overall venupuncture stats - 3 successes 2 failures]. Examine a lady's abdomen and took a history from a chap who spoke very little English.

Mummy asked if I'm quite busy nowadays because I'm seldom online. Indeed, I'm really busy. I shouldn't be, there's only 6 hours of scheduled teaching in a week in our timetable. We are expected to fill up the rest of the time ourselves (self-directed learning). I think I've done fairly well in maximising the learning opportunities available. I lack sleep every night because I was trying to do so much reading about conditions or procedures I've learnt during the day. But its been really exciting. I love renal medicine!

Disappointing start

So I held high expectations. So I should have been warned. Firm attachment isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. Renal ward is good. I recon I will learn a lot not only about the urinary tract, but also the cardiovascular as well as the respiratory system. But I'm just kind of lost. The consultant just told us to clerk lots and lots of patients, and attend time tabled ward rounds and teaching. Did not bother to introduce us to the medical and nursing team in the wards. So you can imagine the staff seeing us as just 'some medical students' buzzing around the ward. Patients are nice. Only sometimes a little crowded, having eight of us in the ward at one time. Medical staff are not very enthusiasted to teach, just looked busy all the time. No, we don't feel like part of the team at all at the moment. It was just quite pointless being there besides opportunity to clerk patients and browsing through the electronic patient records. Clinical teaching sucks. Two person presented a case each, and the doctor commented on the history taken. No discussion, no teaching and little learning.

Maybe it's me. I should make some readjust my own expectations.