Exam is over

Exam = evil. Each time there's an exam, I'd start thinking that I don't want to be a doctor anymore. I'd have to live with that thought for another at least 15 times. I used to be much more resilient when I was in college. I do get upset over revising but motivation was always sky high. Now I've just lost everything. Can you believe that I only started serious revision on Monday (that was the day before my semester 2 paper)? People won't believe me because I always seemed to know my stuff in the weekly PBL discussion. O well, time to rethink the protrayal of my nerdy personality - very misleading.

Overall the exams went OK. For the progress test, as usual, I was more than ecstatic to know (or even heard of) about 4-5 questions as it was a test of knowledge to be learnt from year 1-5. OSCE was a bit upsetting. I screwed up the blood pressure and pulse station. It's actually not a big deal as it was only one of the nine stations and almost everyone that I spoke to said they did badly for that station as well. The thing that pissed me off is that I've put in so much effort practising blood pressure taking (I even invested in a sphygmomanometer) and still end up failing to show my competence (Silly me, I even cried when I came back to my room). The good news is that I know I've got full mark for at least 3 stations: Radiograph, handwashing and anatomy. The revision for semester 2 test was a bit of a nightmare. I didn't have the motivation to open the books at all. I've only managed to force myself to sit down and cramp things into my head the day before the paper. I thought the paper was ok, again with doubts here and there. But as I was telling Cheng, judging from the effort I put in, I don't really expect an honour grade again. I'd be more than happy with a pass.

So exam's over and done with. I meant to go to the medics end of year party last night but didn't in the end. It's because I just lost the mood when Cheng told me that Yee Leng's admitted into hospital because she has loads of big ulcers on her throat that she couldn't eat, drink, talk or hear properly. It just scared me. The A&E doctor's comment that the ulcers were 'not normal' just made my feel worse. I talked to Yee Leng today through the phone and she sounded OK. Hopefully it's just some stress-exaggerated infection. Eventhough Yee Leng's a bit annoying at times, I have to say that I do care for her as well as everyone else in my family and I want her to be alright.

I went to return some books in the Stopford library today. It was so heavy and that was only six books! There are nine more library books in my room that I need to return. Then I went to walk around at the city centre, got so bored and wander into the Manchester Art Gallery. It's a really nice place and it's really hard to describe how art can convey abstract things like feeling and atmosphere. Then this man from China came up to me and ask if I'm from China. So I was caught into the usual conversation about being from Malaysia and studying here in Manchester University. He actually told me that I looked 'ancient'. I'll let u interpret what it means coz I haven't got a clue.

After that, I went for a PLAN meeting in Reache, Hope Hospital. Another good session, learnt so much about the kidneys today. I was interviewed by Ken who is doing his fourth year project option to evaluate the weekly sessions. One of his questions was (unsurprisingly) why do I attend these weekly sessions. I said something about improving my communication skills and meeting people. Yet, ultimately I think my primary motivation is still to help people in need. Especially for refugees, what we are doing during these weekly sessions can really turn their life around and improve their quality of life, which I think is really a necessity for every human being. Another thing is that I feel really flattered having people praising about my good English. One of the many barrier these refugee doctors have to overcome is the proficiency in English and most spent three/four years just to pick up English. So naturally, many of them were surprised to learn that I have only set foot in England about 9 months ago judging from the standard of English that I speak. I think I do pick up a language rather quickly, but the main thing that allowed me to know how the proper spoken English works is Choral Speaking in form 4. It taught me things like long vowel and differentiating between the 't' and 'th' sounds. These are very fundamental but unfortunately grossly neglected in the education system. Thanks to my three months of grueling Choral Speaking training, not only that I can declare myself a national champion, I am also now able to express myself with confidence and even match the standard of the Mat Salleh's English.