Monday, April 30
Down
Today is a sad day. Things were not done to perfection. Just depresses me. And have been feeling useless. I am useless. What can I do? Nothing. I am useless. Just like rubbish. I only live to pretend. So now I am going to continue burying myself in books.
Tuesday, April 24
Thursday, April 12
Long day, tiring but sweet
I broke my personal record of working for the longest hour. Yesterday, I went out at 6:15am and did not come back home until 10:30pm. It was bloody tiring, but unusually satisfying. This was how I spent my day yesterday:
0730 - 1330 Stroke Rehabilitation Ward
1400 - 2130 Medical Assessment Unit (MAU)
Part 1: Seeing patients with neurological problems
I am big big fan neuro stuff. In the stroke unit, I cared for many patients having the symptoms exactly the described in books: flexed upper limb, extended lower limb, general weakness on one side, expressive aphasia etc. I also saw how remarkable physiotherapy, occupational therapy and speech and language therapy were in helping these patients regain their day-to-day function. The ward was one of the most multidisciplinary ward I have ever seen. In MAU, I saw quite a few patients with Parkinson's disease (I have actually seen quite a few Parkinson's patients with varying severity since I started working). I witnessed the classical triads of resting tremor, rigidity and bradykinesia and was surprised by how drugs can change a patient's quality of life for the better.
Part 2: Emotional drain
I suppose the one disadvantage of working in acute units like A&E, MAU or SAU is that I will be the first one to introduce patient to the feeling of lossing your dignity for being sick and being under my care in hospital. In hospital, we are often so concerned with safety and preventing falls that we make patient use commodes, bedpans and pads, or that every steps that patients make all the way to the loo (and yes, including taking off your pants and sitting on the toilet) needs to be supervised. All these must be quite a shock to many patients. Yesterday, I actually saw tears from three patients because of all these nightmares that they were subjected to (and perhaps also because of their illness). I was sorry but I had no choice. All I can do was to try my best to comfort them.
Part 3: My sweet experience
Firstly, it was especially sweet because, out of no reason, everyone that I met yesterday, staff and patient alike, made an effort to remember my name. That was such a rare thing because usually people would give up remembering my name as it is quite hard to pronounce. One patient did give up and ended up calling me 'Yeeeeha', and I did not mind since he was a stroke patient (who had not completely regain his speech function). Such a fun group of people to work with. And I had been called 'a nice nurse' and 'a nice girl' by patients so many times yesterday, got a kiss and a pad on my shoulder. Words simply cannot describe I proud I was with myself. I am inexperienced but in every shifts I work, I take extra care to satisfy the patients' needs and preserve their dignity. Hearing comments like that just made me feel on top of the world.
0730 - 1330 Stroke Rehabilitation Ward
1400 - 2130 Medical Assessment Unit (MAU)
Part 1: Seeing patients with neurological problems
I am big big fan neuro stuff. In the stroke unit, I cared for many patients having the symptoms exactly the described in books: flexed upper limb, extended lower limb, general weakness on one side, expressive aphasia etc. I also saw how remarkable physiotherapy, occupational therapy and speech and language therapy were in helping these patients regain their day-to-day function. The ward was one of the most multidisciplinary ward I have ever seen. In MAU, I saw quite a few patients with Parkinson's disease (I have actually seen quite a few Parkinson's patients with varying severity since I started working). I witnessed the classical triads of resting tremor, rigidity and bradykinesia and was surprised by how drugs can change a patient's quality of life for the better.
Part 2: Emotional drain
I suppose the one disadvantage of working in acute units like A&E, MAU or SAU is that I will be the first one to introduce patient to the feeling of lossing your dignity for being sick and being under my care in hospital. In hospital, we are often so concerned with safety and preventing falls that we make patient use commodes, bedpans and pads, or that every steps that patients make all the way to the loo (and yes, including taking off your pants and sitting on the toilet) needs to be supervised. All these must be quite a shock to many patients. Yesterday, I actually saw tears from three patients because of all these nightmares that they were subjected to (and perhaps also because of their illness). I was sorry but I had no choice. All I can do was to try my best to comfort them.
Part 3: My sweet experience
Firstly, it was especially sweet because, out of no reason, everyone that I met yesterday, staff and patient alike, made an effort to remember my name. That was such a rare thing because usually people would give up remembering my name as it is quite hard to pronounce. One patient did give up and ended up calling me 'Yeeeeha', and I did not mind since he was a stroke patient (who had not completely regain his speech function). Such a fun group of people to work with. And I had been called 'a nice nurse' and 'a nice girl' by patients so many times yesterday, got a kiss and a pad on my shoulder. Words simply cannot describe I proud I was with myself. I am inexperienced but in every shifts I work, I take extra care to satisfy the patients' needs and preserve their dignity. Hearing comments like that just made me feel on top of the world.
Monday, April 9
Fire Alarm
Why am I blogging at 9am? Because I just triggered the fire alarm in my flat. Luckily it's holiday and only five of us are in the flat. I left the grill turned on to toast bread for about 5 minutes and when I get down to the kitchen, there were clouds of smoke already. Just when I started panic, the fire alarm went off. O dear.... I turned off the grill, opened the window and went out to look for the security guard to turn the alarm off. I told the guard that I left the grill on and he was really nice, said that accident happens. Here I am, without my toast this morning, still having shivers from the accident just now. I will never leave the kitchen with appliances on again.
Thursday, April 5
Update
Life has been boring. It's Easter break now. Thought I want to work for a bit more over holiday. But Apex didn't call me. Maybe they are confused with my availability. Anyway it doesn't really matter. I'm enjoying myself having a relaxing time. Have the usual frustrated-with-myself thing about promising to do work but too lazy to get going. I'll be alright. I must finish portfolio by this weekend and get going with the PBL cases next week.
Mummy and pa is fighting again. Mummy said she wants to live separately with pa. I kind of see this coming. Mummy asked me to tell pa about it but I can't bear myself saying it because I just don't think it's right. I know I am not likely to be able to sort out their problem but I really ought to get back home asap. It's stressing out my younger sisters who have to listening to them quarrel (or not talk to each other) everyday. Family is the only thing I've got and I'm not going to let it go just like that. Cheng and YeeLeng are both stressed due to decisions about higher education.
I have been shortlisted as one of the 12 finalist for the International Student Award organised by the British Council. That means I will be £1000 richer! Brilliant! Also, I am also one of the 8 in the UK to be trained as a trainer for Medsin. That means I'll be able to conduct workshops in medical student conferences and learn interesting ways to run meetings etc. I'm so excited!
Mummy and pa is fighting again. Mummy said she wants to live separately with pa. I kind of see this coming. Mummy asked me to tell pa about it but I can't bear myself saying it because I just don't think it's right. I know I am not likely to be able to sort out their problem but I really ought to get back home asap. It's stressing out my younger sisters who have to listening to them quarrel (or not talk to each other) everyday. Family is the only thing I've got and I'm not going to let it go just like that. Cheng and YeeLeng are both stressed due to decisions about higher education.
I have been shortlisted as one of the 12 finalist for the International Student Award organised by the British Council. That means I will be £1000 richer! Brilliant! Also, I am also one of the 8 in the UK to be trained as a trainer for Medsin. That means I'll be able to conduct workshops in medical student conferences and learn interesting ways to run meetings etc. I'm so excited!
Monday, March 12
A record number of As?
This country is developing obsessive compulsive disorder towards the number of As. Guess how many As the best student in SPM got? 19! Well, I would like to say well done to the girl. She deserves it. It's the people's reactions that really bother me. The MP (or whoever) in her area made a big banner (with her face across) to congratulate her, students in her ex-school lined up 2km to welcome her. Is that necessary? Tomorrow the newspapers will be filled with her 'story of success'. Honestly, they are so pathetic!
Every year, all these will be on the news right after public exams results are announced. My question is: why take so many subjects in the first place? The thing is if people are taking so many subjects for the sack of getting the As and making the front page, then something is wrong somewhere. There could be other possibilities: student life is hard - only the very best gets the scholarship.
No matter how you see it, most teenagers are not yet that rational in their thinking, and this applies to the very intelligent ones as well. If I can blame someone for this, I would put the blame on the media for making these top scorers such celebrities. I also blame policy makers in scholarship provisions and universities admissions for there overemphasis on academic results. OK, yes they do take into account co-curriculum, but there is no way, for example my sister YeeLeng who was a national level drama champion and who stayed back everyday in school for various activities (until mummy got so angry with her)with 7As would beat the 19As candidate regardless of her co-co status. Won't you agree? If you ask me, I think if you throw both my sister and the 19As girl into the world, my sister would actually be the one who survives and thrives at the end*.
*But actually this is a bit biased because this sister of mine is a bit more gifted than normal people, so it'll be unfair to compare with normal people - I'll dedicate another entry about her.
OK, enough sourgrapes now. I would like to extent my congratulations to my second sister WanCheng for achieving 12 As in her SPM! Wualawei... Bloody hell that's really amazing! Didn't know she can actually beat me! (Please, no sourgrape again) Hope she is lucky enough to get a scholarship to study medicine. I have come to know a lot people who decided to take up medicine just because they get straight As, but cross my heart I'd say that it's not the case for Cheng. She has a genuine genuine interest and curiousity towards human physiology and would get so excited and fascinated whenever I tell her how things work in our body. Good luck sis!
Every year, all these will be on the news right after public exams results are announced. My question is: why take so many subjects in the first place? The thing is if people are taking so many subjects for the sack of getting the As and making the front page, then something is wrong somewhere. There could be other possibilities: student life is hard - only the very best gets the scholarship.
No matter how you see it, most teenagers are not yet that rational in their thinking, and this applies to the very intelligent ones as well. If I can blame someone for this, I would put the blame on the media for making these top scorers such celebrities. I also blame policy makers in scholarship provisions and universities admissions for there overemphasis on academic results. OK, yes they do take into account co-curriculum, but there is no way, for example my sister YeeLeng who was a national level drama champion and who stayed back everyday in school for various activities (until mummy got so angry with her)with 7As would beat the 19As candidate regardless of her co-co status. Won't you agree? If you ask me, I think if you throw both my sister and the 19As girl into the world, my sister would actually be the one who survives and thrives at the end*.
*But actually this is a bit biased because this sister of mine is a bit more gifted than normal people, so it'll be unfair to compare with normal people - I'll dedicate another entry about her.
OK, enough sourgrapes now. I would like to extent my congratulations to my second sister WanCheng for achieving 12 As in her SPM! Wualawei... Bloody hell that's really amazing! Didn't know she can actually beat me! (Please, no sourgrape again) Hope she is lucky enough to get a scholarship to study medicine. I have come to know a lot people who decided to take up medicine just because they get straight As, but cross my heart I'd say that it's not the case for Cheng. She has a genuine genuine interest and curiousity towards human physiology and would get so excited and fascinated whenever I tell her how things work in our body. Good luck sis!
Saturday, March 10
Aging
Ever since I started seeing patients and working as a health care assistant, I kept telling myself that I would not want to get any older than retirement age. I seem to have equated an old age with being dependent, mentally sluggish, slow and unproductive. Patients tell me that even having a catheter hanging is like a nightmare to one's dignity already, imagine having to be fed, washed and moved around using hoist everyday. I have also realised that I have taken the fact that we are able to move around and express our wishes freely for granted. It's really stressful enough for me to deal with immobile and mute patients in the wards, imagine what is it like for relatives and how frustrated it is for the patient themselves - 1. not being able to speak their mind 2. being a burden to other, feel guilty. So I have decided that I don't want to be old.
Then recently, I have begin to change my mind. I met some individuals in their 70s and 80s are still able to maintain an active life. They don't need people to help them wash or go to the toilet. They are still able to enjoy life with their families and friends. My grandma at the age of 70ish before she passed away was able to walk two miles a day to and from the market and keep the house in perfect order. So I was thinking, should I just get old anyway and see which way I would end up? I think I will actually review this when I'm at my 40s or 50s.
This is such a rubbish post...
And I have to say that you can be sluggish at any age. For example, I bang my forehead on the wall just when I was about to go to sleep. Hurts.
Then recently, I have begin to change my mind. I met some individuals in their 70s and 80s are still able to maintain an active life. They don't need people to help them wash or go to the toilet. They are still able to enjoy life with their families and friends. My grandma at the age of 70ish before she passed away was able to walk two miles a day to and from the market and keep the house in perfect order. So I was thinking, should I just get old anyway and see which way I would end up? I think I will actually review this when I'm at my 40s or 50s.
This is such a rubbish post...
And I have to say that you can be sluggish at any age. For example, I bang my forehead on the wall just when I was about to go to sleep. Hurts.
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