Half asleep

The worst nights are the ones when you are sleeping but actually half awake. The worst days are the ones when you are awake but actually half asleep. I had such a day yesterday. I knew the first thing in the morning that it was a bad day. I just couldn't concentrate on anything. I went to Bristol for a surgical conference. I nearly miss my morning train to Bristol. And then at Bristol, I told the bus driver to give me a shout when we arrive at 'The Triangle' but he didn't and I only alighted a few stops after. On the return journey, I got lost walking from the university building to the train station, and therefore missed my train and had to fork out an extra 18 pound.

Before yesterday, I was really looking forward to enjoying the conference. I usually do, I love seeing and get fascinated by all the research and innovation presented. But I don't know what poison got me yesterday. I was just in the totally wrong frame of mind. Maybe because I was presenting, and I knew I was amongst the people competing for the prize. I was saddened that so many posters and presentations had fresher ideas and were more eye-catching than mine. Suddenly I felt my poster was so uninteresting, unappelling and there is no chance I would win. I was also disappointed that some of my friends were selected for oral presentation for really low level stuff like case report whilst mine, a higher level research and involved much more work was only asked to present a poster. I was unhappy because case report is so easy as they only had to pick a clinical case and do some textbook reading (and obviously they have only bothered to present to enhance their CV), whereas study like mine involved thrawling over 100 casenotes, statistical analysis, collaboration between researchers etc etc, i.e. at least 10x harder than a case report, especially when compared those undergraduate level ones they have presented. The negativity overcame me so much that I was neither meeting new people nor looking at other presentations which I usually do. I was just stood by my poster with my arms folded for a few hours in the morning. Is this a classic case of 'kiasu-ness'? I was very aware of this and I kept on telling myself that it was no use feeling like that because a) I was just going to give people a very negative impression of myself b) I was not going to enjoy anything. Later on in the day it became a little better - I was interacting and even had a smile on my face. But I was still desperate to get over this and arrive at Aunty Sheena's place to commence a relaxing weekend asap.



Had I woke up fully awake, I would have been so POSITIVE even if exactly the same things happened:


- I nearly the train to Bristol, but I didn't. Isn't that lucky?

- The bus driver didn't shout me to get off at the stop I wanted to, but the walk to the building from the next stop I alighted from were actually shorter compared to had I got off at the previous stop that I first intended. Saved me 5 extra minutes of walking.


- The nice ticketman at the train station suggested that I buy the ticket to Bristol-London, and then get another one from London-Watford Junction when I arrive at London (rather than Bristol-Watford Junction) because it would work out to be cheaper. I should thank him because on the train, I realized that I didn't even need to buy the second part at all because this part of the ticket for the train the I had missed was still valid as it was not time restricted. Saved 10 pounds.


- My abstract was accepted. And I had a chance to showcase my work. That in itself is an achievement already.


- Questions from other participants in the conference have given me more ideas for me to write up in my publication for this research.


- Is poster presentation inferior to oral presentation? Debatable, but I don't think so. Some who won the best presentation prize were posters.


- I had really enjoyed designing the poster. I have put in a lot of effort into this and I am very proud of it.

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