Patients

I was out with some friends yesterday and they asked if I've ever thought about not wanting to do medicine. I said no, not since I've started anyway. And they were surprised, and asked why. 'The patients.' I answered. Will tell you about this two patients I've seen this week.

A elderly patient in the stroke ward. Very sweet, seen shuffling up and down the ward with his zimmer frame. Reminded me of my grandfather (a gong - father side). Had that face of him. His hands... thin, covered with tight but inelastic skin, protruding veins. Was trying so hard to convince us that he can manage to be discharged back to home, almost made me laugh... A gong would never had been so articulate. He had always been a very soft spoken person ever since I'd known him. He passed away a few years ago. Seeing this old man talk, I had tears at the corner of my eyes.

A consultant doctor admitted with a big bleeding stroke needing surgical evacuation. Although personally I never ever do it, there is always a risk of being patronised and treated like an institutionalized person when you are in hospital. Now he can't move the right side of his body, have trouble swallowing and is only allowed puree food, and have short term memory loss. I could just imagine that a month ago he could have been resuscitating patients, teaching junior doctors, being asked 'consultant opinion' about patients ; and now he needs people to wipe his bum and get out of bed using a hoist... If I'm lucky enough, I'd probably have the privillage to enjoy a fast and painless death. But I know that most of us would possibly end up like this one day. I know this ever since I started working as an auxillary nurse. Just had never really thought of it in this context before. People that I really respect and look up to, almost infalliable in my eyes, can actually be bedridden and lose all the dignity we spend all our lives building.


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