messy room
Friday, September 30
Very tiring day...
Actually I'm not supposed to be tired but somehow I am. I'd just cooked a complete proper meal for myself for dinner: 1 soup, 1 greens with ham and rice. Doesn't sound too sophisticated, does it? It took my nearly an hour and a half to finish cooking... That's excluding the washing time. That's why I'm so exhausted rite now. Yet I feel happy because I can finally cook a decent meal for myself (Decent enough by a beginner's standard).
Another reason I'm being so tired is that I'd spent almost all nite working on my PBL training case. I don't know why was I so enthusiated about it... It may be my perfectionist attitude that's messing around again (U know.. Yee Yen must be so perfect that she can't afford to miss a single information or she'll die..). However I'm quite happy to say that my hardwork has paid off. I thoroughly enjoyed the PBL today. I contributed so much of info n knowledge that I read through these two days for the case (Though I did blurt some craps...totally stupid..). I guess, to think again, I went searching so much info because I don't want to look or sound too stupid, but I guess judging from today's session, I'd clearly overworked at least by a bit. At the beginning I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to present the information I researched because I barely had enough time to digest it - I stopped researching at 9am n PBL's on 10am. I even tried presenting out aloud in my room during the one hour gap. But it turned out to be ok. My PBL-mates were awesome. The chair for the day, Viv, was really good as he went around asking people for info so none of us would feel left out. At first I was a bit...u know...tergagap-gagap, but it went more or less smoother after the warm up. I was quite impressed at myself being able to fully understand some of the knowledge and explained it explicitly to my PBL-mates without even referring to notes, like stuff about statin, lipoprotein, protein synthesis etc. All of us also seemed to be able to work togather quite coherantly. John was especially supportive for me... I don't know whether he's done it on purpose or not but he gave me two big thumb ups after I explained something about the HDL n LDL.. really made me feel so good! I also want to express my gratitude to my other PBL-mates (Adil, Lauren, Rachel, Rhys, Jeff, Tom, Uzo, Anisha, Viv n Claire) for making this PBL such a success. Thanks also to Dr Melissa Westwood for being such a encouraging n helpful tutor (Was a bit disappointed when she told us that she's not gonna be our tutor for this semester).
On the other hand, dissection was quite a blunder today. We were taught the positioning terms for anatomy n it's as if I completely lost sense of orientation. Each round after learning some terms, Philip (our anatomy demonstrator) would test all of us to see whether we understand the concept. I think I got 3 out of 4 wrong. The worse thing is that I'd actually read about these terms a few days before...I was so embarassed to tell anyone about that.. I'm so used to seeing the movement of the upper limbs in the book that when I was asked questions regarding the hip and the knee, I can't do it.. I think I ought to spend more time grasping the concepts this weekend. I'm not going to allow this to happen again next week!
Another reason I'm being so tired is that I'd spent almost all nite working on my PBL training case. I don't know why was I so enthusiated about it... It may be my perfectionist attitude that's messing around again (U know.. Yee Yen must be so perfect that she can't afford to miss a single information or she'll die..). However I'm quite happy to say that my hardwork has paid off. I thoroughly enjoyed the PBL today. I contributed so much of info n knowledge that I read through these two days for the case (Though I did blurt some craps...totally stupid..). I guess, to think again, I went searching so much info because I don't want to look or sound too stupid, but I guess judging from today's session, I'd clearly overworked at least by a bit. At the beginning I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to present the information I researched because I barely had enough time to digest it - I stopped researching at 9am n PBL's on 10am. I even tried presenting out aloud in my room during the one hour gap. But it turned out to be ok. My PBL-mates were awesome. The chair for the day, Viv, was really good as he went around asking people for info so none of us would feel left out. At first I was a bit...u know...tergagap-gagap, but it went more or less smoother after the warm up. I was quite impressed at myself being able to fully understand some of the knowledge and explained it explicitly to my PBL-mates without even referring to notes, like stuff about statin, lipoprotein, protein synthesis etc. All of us also seemed to be able to work togather quite coherantly. John was especially supportive for me... I don't know whether he's done it on purpose or not but he gave me two big thumb ups after I explained something about the HDL n LDL.. really made me feel so good! I also want to express my gratitude to my other PBL-mates (Adil, Lauren, Rachel, Rhys, Jeff, Tom, Uzo, Anisha, Viv n Claire) for making this PBL such a success. Thanks also to Dr Melissa Westwood for being such a encouraging n helpful tutor (Was a bit disappointed when she told us that she's not gonna be our tutor for this semester).
On the other hand, dissection was quite a blunder today. We were taught the positioning terms for anatomy n it's as if I completely lost sense of orientation. Each round after learning some terms, Philip (our anatomy demonstrator) would test all of us to see whether we understand the concept. I think I got 3 out of 4 wrong. The worse thing is that I'd actually read about these terms a few days before...I was so embarassed to tell anyone about that.. I'm so used to seeing the movement of the upper limbs in the book that when I was asked questions regarding the hip and the knee, I can't do it.. I think I ought to spend more time grasping the concepts this weekend. I'm not going to allow this to happen again next week!
Wednesday, September 28
It's not so bad after all ...
Mom read my previous entry and she was a bit worried... I guess she never realize that the sad stuff I posted might have been exaggerated. After all, I don't expect anyone to take my words seriously. Anyway, I'm gonna write something pleasant now... just for a change in the blog atmosphere.
My first PBL training case - Polly's dilemma had been really fun. The topic was quite an easy and friendly one - something about rainbow, how it forms, how children learn, colour blind and professional responsiblities. Honestly, that's when I really discover the significance of 'others might know what u don't know' because all these while I'd been arrogant enough to think that I can see everything that everyone else can or can't see. I'd read the case quite a number of time and the idea of the kid in the case being possibly colour blind hadn't strike me even once until Rachel pointed out during the PBL session... In fact, that was actually the core problem that we were trying to understand in that case n I haven't even notice it... How foolish of me... Nevertheless, I contributed quite a lot of ideas and opinion to the group and I feel happy n satisfied of doing that...simply because I felt my existance valued. My tutor, Dr Melissa Westwood had been really helpful n considerate too. She actually asked me whether I had a problem with the term 'primary school' ... I think it's because the term defines an age group, in this case 5-11 for UK while if put in the context of Malaysian education system this would define an age group of 7-12.
Last weekend had really been a busy but fun one. On Saturday morning, I walked alone to Asda (Hulme) to buy my kitchen utensils and a duvet. I'd been quite proud to actually courageously roam around the city all by myself after settling down in Manchester for barely a fortnight. Then, during noon, Ai Ling n I went to shop at the city centre (Arndale shopping centre). There, I bought a duvet cover, a sheet set, a scientific calculator, a set of 10 hangers and an Adidas backpack all from Argos. Guess what? I only spent less than £40 for all of that...what an amazing feat of budgeting! For the rest of the nite before retiring, we spent a great time eating home cooked dishes in our chinese seniors' (Rom, Tiong n PuiSan) house. I was like half died by the time I go to bed.
On the next morning, I went fruit picking in a place called Cheshire with the Malay seniors: Mariam, Tika, Ida, Zai and some third n forth year seniors whose names I can't recall. It was an exciting trip. I'd never eaten a fruit that's been freshly plucked in my entire life. There were strawberries, apples, pears and raspberry. We spent have a day picking and eating the fruits before finally returning to Whitworth Park. Later I enjoyed a free lunch in the seniors' flat. (I had been getting loads of free meals since I landed in Manchester :).
After the pleasant n sensational weekend, it's back to serious business again. We started out second PBL training case yesterday n it's proven to be much more challenging than the first one. It's not just plain talking this time. We have to go back n seek for info about the learning objective we've defined. I'm currently working on it n I find it somewhat difficult because we were not told exactly how deep do we need to know. When I open the biochemistry book, it's really quite shocking to see so many technical terms n complicated charts which I'd never seen. It almost look it a book written in a foreign language to me. But I think I'll do fine. I'll just have to sit down (shutdown the computer, hide it far far away) n patiently read through the paragraphs to grasp the concept. I'm confident that I'll do fine. Even if it's not fine, I'm sure it'd be fine. After all they don't call it the 'training case' for nothing, do they?
Rite.. I think it's time for me to signoff n open my books. I'll update this as frequently as I can.
My first PBL training case - Polly's dilemma had been really fun. The topic was quite an easy and friendly one - something about rainbow, how it forms, how children learn, colour blind and professional responsiblities. Honestly, that's when I really discover the significance of 'others might know what u don't know' because all these while I'd been arrogant enough to think that I can see everything that everyone else can or can't see. I'd read the case quite a number of time and the idea of the kid in the case being possibly colour blind hadn't strike me even once until Rachel pointed out during the PBL session... In fact, that was actually the core problem that we were trying to understand in that case n I haven't even notice it... How foolish of me... Nevertheless, I contributed quite a lot of ideas and opinion to the group and I feel happy n satisfied of doing that...simply because I felt my existance valued. My tutor, Dr Melissa Westwood had been really helpful n considerate too. She actually asked me whether I had a problem with the term 'primary school' ... I think it's because the term defines an age group, in this case 5-11 for UK while if put in the context of Malaysian education system this would define an age group of 7-12.
Last weekend had really been a busy but fun one. On Saturday morning, I walked alone to Asda (Hulme) to buy my kitchen utensils and a duvet. I'd been quite proud to actually courageously roam around the city all by myself after settling down in Manchester for barely a fortnight. Then, during noon, Ai Ling n I went to shop at the city centre (Arndale shopping centre). There, I bought a duvet cover, a sheet set, a scientific calculator, a set of 10 hangers and an Adidas backpack all from Argos. Guess what? I only spent less than £40 for all of that...what an amazing feat of budgeting! For the rest of the nite before retiring, we spent a great time eating home cooked dishes in our chinese seniors' (Rom, Tiong n PuiSan) house. I was like half died by the time I go to bed.
On the next morning, I went fruit picking in a place called Cheshire with the Malay seniors: Mariam, Tika, Ida, Zai and some third n forth year seniors whose names I can't recall. It was an exciting trip. I'd never eaten a fruit that's been freshly plucked in my entire life. There were strawberries, apples, pears and raspberry. We spent have a day picking and eating the fruits before finally returning to Whitworth Park. Later I enjoyed a free lunch in the seniors' flat. (I had been getting loads of free meals since I landed in Manchester :).
After the pleasant n sensational weekend, it's back to serious business again. We started out second PBL training case yesterday n it's proven to be much more challenging than the first one. It's not just plain talking this time. We have to go back n seek for info about the learning objective we've defined. I'm currently working on it n I find it somewhat difficult because we were not told exactly how deep do we need to know. When I open the biochemistry book, it's really quite shocking to see so many technical terms n complicated charts which I'd never seen. It almost look it a book written in a foreign language to me. But I think I'll do fine. I'll just have to sit down (shutdown the computer, hide it far far away) n patiently read through the paragraphs to grasp the concept. I'm confident that I'll do fine. Even if it's not fine, I'm sure it'd be fine. After all they don't call it the 'training case' for nothing, do they?
Rite.. I think it's time for me to signoff n open my books. I'll update this as frequently as I can.
Tuesday, September 27
Thursday, September 22
First Week in Manchester
Here I am, at Manchester... I don't sound too excited, do I? I can't believe how dull I'm feeling now... It's not supposed to be this way. It just happen that the social life here just isn't for me... or maybe I just havn't get used to it yet... Social life here is definitely very very different from what we had back in Malaysia. (Not that I'm a very social person even back in KL) I just prefer spending quality peaceful time in the library or in the room or at home rather than going out and do nonsense (at least that's what I think). Antisocial you think I am? Go on, I don't give a damm.
There's still a huge lot of things I've got to adjust myself to here. First, I've really got to learn to listen more attentively to the British accent. I can understand general stuff, it's just that when they start joking, I'll be keeping stiff at a corner because I don't understand it. I've been taking the power of language for granted. Language is the force that keeps the momentum of a conversation going, seriously! I have become a little more reserved and quiet since I came here because I don't feel fitted in... just like when I was new in BBGS, when everybody speaks PERFECT English while I was still struggling to get my tenses right. I know my English is not bad and the locals here can definitely understand me. I am a language person to an extent.. all I need is a little attitude adjustment. I just need to get my self esteem back on track. Honestly I can tell you that the self-worthyness that's keeping alive and successful before this has gone down at least 50%.
Sometimes I just don't know how to cheer myself up. When I wake up in the morning, I'd tell myself: Today's gonna be a better day than yesterday. Yesterday I didn't talk in PBL, today I'm gonna crap some rubbish, even others ignore me, I'm still gonna carry on. I'm just gonna happy go lucky today. I don't care how other people see me. I don't have to be Ms Perfect in the eyes of others. Well, that's proven to be hard, even impossible in practice. I hated myself, my perfectionist attitude. It's really killing me. I just feel like I can't bear myself making mistake. Everything that's supposed to turn out right MUST turn out right. I do accept that sometimes mistakes and bumps and hiccups I meet in life is unavoidable and constructive, but I just can't bear with the bad feeling guilt and flashbacks and nightmares that won't go off for a very long time. These things are particularly persistent in my mind that I thought I went crazy at times as I keep shouting at myself to 'stop it!'. Fortunately on the other hand, positive reinforcement that I get (we learnt this in lecture today - it's supposed to be a really great way of obtaining feedback) and good memories like having a good laughter with friends are another category of things that persist in my head and that's much sweeter that the negative one, the imperfect one. Once I done something wrong, that thought of 'I could have said this...could have done that' keeps bugging my mind and sometimes I simply get very very sick of it.
Ultimately I know that only I can change myself. So I'm gonna work on quiting the perfectionist attitude starting this moment. And I'm gonna turn into a more cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl that will more or less float along with the flow.
There's still a huge lot of things I've got to adjust myself to here. First, I've really got to learn to listen more attentively to the British accent. I can understand general stuff, it's just that when they start joking, I'll be keeping stiff at a corner because I don't understand it. I've been taking the power of language for granted. Language is the force that keeps the momentum of a conversation going, seriously! I have become a little more reserved and quiet since I came here because I don't feel fitted in... just like when I was new in BBGS, when everybody speaks PERFECT English while I was still struggling to get my tenses right. I know my English is not bad and the locals here can definitely understand me. I am a language person to an extent.. all I need is a little attitude adjustment. I just need to get my self esteem back on track. Honestly I can tell you that the self-worthyness that's keeping alive and successful before this has gone down at least 50%.
Sometimes I just don't know how to cheer myself up. When I wake up in the morning, I'd tell myself: Today's gonna be a better day than yesterday. Yesterday I didn't talk in PBL, today I'm gonna crap some rubbish, even others ignore me, I'm still gonna carry on. I'm just gonna happy go lucky today. I don't care how other people see me. I don't have to be Ms Perfect in the eyes of others. Well, that's proven to be hard, even impossible in practice. I hated myself, my perfectionist attitude. It's really killing me. I just feel like I can't bear myself making mistake. Everything that's supposed to turn out right MUST turn out right. I do accept that sometimes mistakes and bumps and hiccups I meet in life is unavoidable and constructive, but I just can't bear with the bad feeling guilt and flashbacks and nightmares that won't go off for a very long time. These things are particularly persistent in my mind that I thought I went crazy at times as I keep shouting at myself to 'stop it!'. Fortunately on the other hand, positive reinforcement that I get (we learnt this in lecture today - it's supposed to be a really great way of obtaining feedback) and good memories like having a good laughter with friends are another category of things that persist in my head and that's much sweeter that the negative one, the imperfect one. Once I done something wrong, that thought of 'I could have said this...could have done that' keeps bugging my mind and sometimes I simply get very very sick of it.
Ultimately I know that only I can change myself. So I'm gonna work on quiting the perfectionist attitude starting this moment. And I'm gonna turn into a more cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl that will more or less float along with the flow.
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