First Week in Manchester

Here I am, at Manchester... I don't sound too excited, do I? I can't believe how dull I'm feeling now... It's not supposed to be this way. It just happen that the social life here just isn't for me... or maybe I just havn't get used to it yet... Social life here is definitely very very different from what we had back in Malaysia. (Not that I'm a very social person even back in KL) I just prefer spending quality peaceful time in the library or in the room or at home rather than going out and do nonsense (at least that's what I think). Antisocial you think I am? Go on, I don't give a damm.
There's still a huge lot of things I've got to adjust myself to here. First, I've really got to learn to listen more attentively to the British accent. I can understand general stuff, it's just that when they start joking, I'll be keeping stiff at a corner because I don't understand it. I've been taking the power of language for granted. Language is the force that keeps the momentum of a conversation going, seriously! I have become a little more reserved and quiet since I came here because I don't feel fitted in... just like when I was new in BBGS, when everybody speaks PERFECT English while I was still struggling to get my tenses right. I know my English is not bad and the locals here can definitely understand me. I am a language person to an extent.. all I need is a little attitude adjustment. I just need to get my self esteem back on track. Honestly I can tell you that the self-worthyness that's keeping alive and successful before this has gone down at least 50%.
Sometimes I just don't know how to cheer myself up. When I wake up in the morning, I'd tell myself: Today's gonna be a better day than yesterday. Yesterday I didn't talk in PBL, today I'm gonna crap some rubbish, even others ignore me, I'm still gonna carry on. I'm just gonna happy go lucky today. I don't care how other people see me. I don't have to be Ms Perfect in the eyes of others. Well, that's proven to be hard, even impossible in practice. I hated myself, my perfectionist attitude. It's really killing me. I just feel like I can't bear myself making mistake. Everything that's supposed to turn out right MUST turn out right. I do accept that sometimes mistakes and bumps and hiccups I meet in life is unavoidable and constructive, but I just can't bear with the bad feeling guilt and flashbacks and nightmares that won't go off for a very long time. These things are particularly persistent in my mind that I thought I went crazy at times as I keep shouting at myself to 'stop it!'. Fortunately on the other hand, positive reinforcement that I get (we learnt this in lecture today - it's supposed to be a really great way of obtaining feedback) and good memories like having a good laughter with friends are another category of things that persist in my head and that's much sweeter that the negative one, the imperfect one. Once I done something wrong, that thought of 'I could have said this...could have done that' keeps bugging my mind and sometimes I simply get very very sick of it.
Ultimately I know that only I can change myself. So I'm gonna work on quiting the perfectionist attitude starting this moment. And I'm gonna turn into a more cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl that will more or less float along with the flow.

In the fitting room - Metrojaya Midvalley. 

IRP Feedback

• IRP Feedback & Suggestions
  
  1. Start earlier – 1.5 months before exam
  · Because time flies once IRP commences
  · Most people only truly start to revise once IRP starts as the exam’s-really-near mood sets in
  · Should allocate some time for private study (Desperately needed…)
  
  2. Surrounding condition
  · Excellent! – Except during a hot afternoon in a non-air-conditioned venue
  · Table setting for 5-member group not very comfortable (i.e. my group) – One of us always seem to be left out (Library table would be the ideal alternative)
  · Teachers can consider using cordless mike - don’t have to go all the way front to reach the mike
  
  3. English IRP
  · Method of conducting IRP for English – Teachers in front with the mike going through every questions, even ask for volunteers to offer answers as though we were in a class – just doesn’t work for such a large group of students
  · Only people right in front paid attention. The rest – Sleeping, chit-chatting, listening to music, reading bio, completing math paper and most skipping the session altogether
  · At the end of the month long IRP, we only manage to complete about two sets of past year papers…compared that to about 9 sets of econs paper that we manage to complete
  · Members who are good in English not actually helping the weaker ones
  · While they can well exchange and mark each other’s paper (essay especially) and give constructive comment
  · Need a mock exam for English too
  · Should have spent more time clarifying ambiguity in marking scheme of paper 1 (proven rather subjective though it’s supposed to be an objective paper)
  · MALAY & ENGLISH: Teachers often stayed in front only – Students at the back cannot really get teachers’ attention
  
  4. Food
  · GREAT!
  · Soup for mee soto too oily – My stomach always don’t feel right for the evening session after the mee soto
  · Tone down on the sugar in red syrup drink
  · Wish could get icy 100 plus everyday
  · Wish the IRP menu extents till our last day in college
  
  5. Teachers’ support
  · KMB teachers have been the most supportive teachers I’ve ever met
  · You guys really sacrifice for us and I really feel loved and blessed by all of you
  · You guys were so nice that we study so hard because we don’t want to let you down
  · (Personally, I actually feel the teachers were my parents and I’d never want to let my parents down…)
  
  6. Some tips to share…
  · Don’t play a fool. I’d never not get a 7 for Malay in my life and ended up with a 6 in the final exam – think it’s because my group played ‘bingo’ during Malay IRP… Except for one guy, the rest of us in my group didn’t get a 7 for Malay… and mind you we really thought we would…
  · Complete all the past year papers seriously. Econs, for example, most people would only right down answers in point form, too lazy to answer in whole sentences or essays. But writing up the answers properly is important for practice and getting used to the ‘sakit tangan syndrome’ during exam. Proud to say that my group very often complete the econs paper properly, so most of us ended up with 7 – even for some who only managed 5 for their entire life before that
  · Ask! If don’t sure about anything at all, ask. That could be the last chance you ever bump into query that might come out in the exam, so get clarification before you forget – Never procrastinate! Get all the concepts right before the exam – clear all doubts.
  · Keep an OPEN mind. Just because you’ve been performing better in the previous semester, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be wrong. That’s the mistake I made… Never brush off suggestion/opinion by a weaker student straight away. Could tarnish good relationship and communication among members, not to mention kissing goodbye to tonnes of good knowledge. If other members are right, kindly acknowledge them, don’t be afraid to discover your own mistakes. IRP period is the critical time before you embark on one the most important examination in your life, so it’s time to open up your mind or you will surely regret your own arrogance.
  · Smile! IRP can be taxing, yes. But it won’t be as tiring as you think if you don’t think so. Youngsters like us definitely have more that enough stamina to keep us going form 8am – 4pm…definitely not a problem. You’re only tired because you tell yourself that. I always insisted in greeting my IRPmates with a smile… and it did reflect on their faces, until half through an IRP session, hearing the mourning and groaning from neighbouring groups, my group started to dispirit again. The point is – You are what you think you are. Don’t be so vulnerable, so easily influenced by the environment, be it another sleeping neighbour or the warm weather or a senior’s horrible recount about IRP.
  
  That’s about all I have to say about IRP. All in all, I’d really enjoyed the month long IRP. I’ve set high goals for myself but I’m afraid I didn’t fulfill them all. I didn’t achieved 45 points which I targeted and don’t think I made a good leader for my group, but I certainly have learnt a great deal, not only about Malay, English, Econs, Bio, Chem and Math, but also about teamwork, friendship, love and supporting each other.
  

genting trip...fun!!! 

my irp group 

why does holiday have to end?

why? why? it's 5:51am now and i'm waiting for the darn, slow printer to finish printing extended essay so that i'd have peace of mind to sleep. actually i'm not really tired...just felt too bored waiting, while listening to the dudududududu sound from the printer.
i still can't quit my terrible habit of doing work at the last minute. i wonder why... why? but there's no point reasoning about it now. i'm getting back to college tomorrow already. but mind you, i can do amazing feats on the eleventh hour, u know...
i wan to show u guys some pictures
this 'hello' thing is quite stupid isn't it?
maybe not. i always call things that i don't know how to handle stupid...
rite. i'm gonna write dila a testimony now. she'd better write back...

Dejected

The lump on the back of my skull beside my right ear is back again. Is that just an indication of stress? or is it a growing tumour?!?
i feel so extremely sad today. my EE is again REJECTED!!!!!!! sigh....this is the fourth proposal i've done. i put my heart and soul in doing each and every proposal...i've lost my soul for four times already.
CD Club is also a source of stress...it's so distressing that i don't want to think of it anymore.
I have so many things to take care of: taman megah, exam, IRP revision, Group 4 experiments, blablabla.... i'm getting sick..it's not surprising that one day, i'd turn out to be a Jeha...
However, i'm trying to retain my cool and control myself emotionally.
Looking forward to a brighter day!