Keep up

From very early on in the clinical training, we have been told that learning medicine (especially in Manchester) follows the principle of how much effort you put in is how much you get. This suits me well. Armed with unrivaled eagerness at the beginning of third year, I went to the wards everyday 9am - 5pm. But it didn’t take that long for me to realize that the principle only works in the ideal world, and we are not living in one. Sometimes there is no patient to see, other times doctors are too busy. It’s mentally and physically draining. Still, I persisted. And generally speaking I’d say the effort pays off.

I always envy the way nurses are trained. When nurses or midwives ask me what time would I be in a ward until, my answer ‘we can leave whenever we want’ often surprise them. Student nurses are included into the staff rota and are expected to work in shift and contribute to the nursing team. Medical students, on the other hand, are free to do what they want. Easily, I can get away with just going into hospital for half a day in a week for the compulsory PBL session. There were some rare occasions when I have demonstrated commitment and people started to treat me as part of the team (in Renal, A&E, O&G). It is satisfying to get to know the team well, work with them and gain their trust so they let me do things, like a little apprentice. But I often feel disheartened because my hard work is not rewarded. Sometimes no one even notices.

During obs and gynae things changed. Mr S’ registrar said she noticed that I have been turning up for every single theatre sessions, which is unusual for students. During my labour week, I got along quite well with a student midwife, Nancy. Nancy and I looked after a lady in labour and after that she said something really moving to me. She told me that the way I interacted with the family, building rapport and helping out, has changed her perception of medical students. She has never seen medical student being so involved with a lady’s care before. Another midwife Gill also commented that she was seeing me so much more than the other students. I don’t think she’d have allowed me to assist in delivering the baby boy had she not seen me being that keen.

I would always remember one of the greatest compliments I have ever had from a patient. At 7:30pm in the emergency admission unit, a patient told the consultant ‘She was here all day and she didn’t stop smiling’, and the consultant continued ‘Yes and she’s very intelligent as well.’ It could have gone on to hug and thank the patient for noticing.

I have been complaining a lot about being tired lately. My concerned friends would ask if I have to go to lecture a lot. I know they meant well, but I just want to scream at them. We don’t HAVE to do anything in medicine. It is just me wanting to make the best out of all the placements. So it’s my choice then I exhaust myself and I should stop moaning.

Freedom and hard work are devil combination. Why bother to wake up at 6am for the morning ward round when it is optional and I know that my friends most probably are taking a day off? A lot of conscience and self discipline are needed to make it work. I am a creature far from perfection. Coming to the end of my fourth year, my enthusiasm is wearing off. Determination, without rewards and positive reinforcement, can only last so long. I thank all the people who keep me going.

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