Down

Today is a sad day. Things were not done to perfection. Just depresses me. And have been feeling useless. I am useless. What can I do? Nothing. I am useless. Just like rubbish. I only live to pretend. So now I am going to continue burying myself in books.

Medsin TNT (Training New Trainers) 07

Amazing! Will write more when I come back from London.

Long day, tiring but sweet

I broke my personal record of working for the longest hour. Yesterday, I went out at 6:15am and did not come back home until 10:30pm. It was bloody tiring, but unusually satisfying. This was how I spent my day yesterday:

0730 - 1330 Stroke Rehabilitation Ward
1400 - 2130 Medical Assessment Unit (MAU)

Part 1: Seeing patients with neurological problems
I am big big fan neuro stuff. In the stroke unit, I cared for many patients having the symptoms exactly the described in books: flexed upper limb, extended lower limb, general weakness on one side, expressive aphasia etc. I also saw how remarkable physiotherapy, occupational therapy and speech and language therapy were in helping these patients regain their day-to-day function. The ward was one of the most multidisciplinary ward I have ever seen. In MAU, I saw quite a few patients with Parkinson's disease (I have actually seen quite a few Parkinson's patients with varying severity since I started working). I witnessed the classical triads of resting tremor, rigidity and bradykinesia and was surprised by how drugs can change a patient's quality of life for the better.

Part 2: Emotional drain
I suppose the one disadvantage of working in acute units like A&E, MAU or SAU is that I will be the first one to introduce patient to the feeling of lossing your dignity for being sick and being under my care in hospital. In hospital, we are often so concerned with safety and preventing falls that we make patient use commodes, bedpans and pads, or that every steps that patients make all the way to the loo (and yes, including taking off your pants and sitting on the toilet) needs to be supervised. All these must be quite a shock to many patients. Yesterday, I actually saw tears from three patients because of all these nightmares that they were subjected to (and perhaps also because of their illness). I was sorry but I had no choice. All I can do was to try my best to comfort them.

Part 3: My sweet experience
Firstly, it was especially sweet because, out of no reason, everyone that I met yesterday, staff and patient alike, made an effort to remember my name. That was such a rare thing because usually people would give up remembering my name as it is quite hard to pronounce. One patient did give up and ended up calling me 'Yeeeeha', and I did not mind since he was a stroke patient (who had not completely regain his speech function). Such a fun group of people to work with. And I had been called 'a nice nurse' and 'a nice girl' by patients so many times yesterday, got a kiss and a pad on my shoulder. Words simply cannot describe I proud I was with myself. I am inexperienced but in every shifts I work, I take extra care to satisfy the patients' needs and preserve their dignity. Hearing comments like that just made me feel on top of the world.

Fire Alarm

Why am I blogging at 9am? Because I just triggered the fire alarm in my flat. Luckily it's holiday and only five of us are in the flat. I left the grill turned on to toast bread for about 5 minutes and when I get down to the kitchen, there were clouds of smoke already. Just when I started panic, the fire alarm went off. O dear.... I turned off the grill, opened the window and went out to look for the security guard to turn the alarm off. I told the guard that I left the grill on and he was really nice, said that accident happens. Here I am, without my toast this morning, still having shivers from the accident just now. I will never leave the kitchen with appliances on again.

Update

Life has been boring. It's Easter break now. Thought I want to work for a bit more over holiday. But Apex didn't call me. Maybe they are confused with my availability. Anyway it doesn't really matter. I'm enjoying myself having a relaxing time. Have the usual frustrated-with-myself thing about promising to do work but too lazy to get going. I'll be alright. I must finish portfolio by this weekend and get going with the PBL cases next week.

Mummy and pa is fighting again. Mummy said she wants to live separately with pa. I kind of see this coming. Mummy asked me to tell pa about it but I can't bear myself saying it because I just don't think it's right. I know I am not likely to be able to sort out their problem but I really ought to get back home asap. It's stressing out my younger sisters who have to listening to them quarrel (or not talk to each other) everyday. Family is the only thing I've got and I'm not going to let it go just like that. Cheng and YeeLeng are both stressed due to decisions about higher education.

I have been shortlisted as one of the 12 finalist for the International Student Award organised by the British Council. That means I will be £1000 richer! Brilliant! Also, I am also one of the 8 in the UK to be trained as a trainer for Medsin. That means I'll be able to conduct workshops in medical student conferences and learn interesting ways to run meetings etc. I'm so excited!