Stupid friendship - Worth all the tears?

I had a small argument with mum yesterday through the phone and it got me thinking. Last night my mind was full of resentment. I was feeling quite bored here and all I wanted was some of her spare time to talk to me. Is that too much to ask for? I do not have many friends to be with throughout holiday as my mates are on holiday at home now. And she kept bombarding me about my failure to make friends with Malaysians, that's why I ended up alienated. But that's not true. I have the right to choose my companies. And my choice is not unreasonable. I just like to be with people who share my interest and people who care for me, who bother to make me feel not-left-out whenever possible. Why does she always have to criticize the way I do things? The words she used really HURTFUL. She said I was arrogant. I only want to make friends with mat salleh. Malaysians are too low class for me. That's why people deliberately leave me out all the time. THAT's NOT TRUE! It just happens that no Malaysians that I know are interested in voluntary work and martial arts. Nor am I interested in things like shopping and travelling that most of my Malaysian friends are frantically crazy about. She keeps thinking that I ought to be like her when she was in London for her nursing training 20 years back. I'm not like her, or any other ordinary people. I am unique, a loner you can say. I am like that since I was in form 4 or 5, when I began to break lose from the chain of close friendship that sort of keeps me from reaching my potentials. I don't need companies for the sake of reassurance and security. Friends are great, but acquintances demand a lot of time, energy and often sacrifies. That's why I choose to not have any. That's why I've decided to not get married. I believe in the Buddhism philosophy that all these vanity are simply human's effort to fill in feeling of inadequacy, which are all really illusions and will eventually come to an end. I know what I want to achieve in my life and I will do whatever it takes to make them happen, whether my so-called friends approve of them or not. I know it's rather a shame that I see friendship this way, but I just do not appreciate friendship as much as most people do, and I haven't really had any best friend who really really really care for me. I used to think some of them do, but time has proven otherwise. Family's always the only place where I could turn to. So, here I am, feeling bored, called back home and had mummy telling me to go and make an effort to befriend Malaysians and don't be the one excluded next time. Isn't that fantastic?
I hope mum doesn't read this. I know she can't really tolarate critism, or even an alternative way of thinking. You people reading this, especially pa, yeeleng, wancheng, wanlee and wanteng, please don't tell mummy about this. What I've written here comes from the bottom of my heart. However, since I've been tearing all day and night, I know this is one of the very rare moments when emotion has overuled my sensible thinking mind. These may not make sense even when I read this entry again tomorrow. Yet, my principle stands. I will not 'go and make an effort' in search for vain friendship just for the sake of having to look not lonely on the surface. I've tried that. Faking up laugh for their not-so-funny jokes was hell and I still feel empty inside. So, why bother?