First 10k run

This has been an unexpected achievement for me this year. Ever since I started working in Malaysia 9 years ago, exercise had not been a part of my life. Life as a doctor in training is physically and mentally demanding, and often in my mind, there was no room for anything else other than work. But something changed last year. I passed my postgraduate exams and my job scope changed into one of a clinical specialist in a smaller general hospital. That allowed for much more time to venture into a life outside medicine. I tried to get back into violin but the interest did not sustain. I was watching some videos on gymnastics and cheerleading, and I wished I was able to do some of those tumble passes. I also watched Paskal the Movie, and I wished I had the strength and endurance of those navy men and women, until I checked out their recruitment info and found out that I would not even have passed the physical test for recruit training. My younger sister, Annie, in the mean time, was looking super fit being a Zumba instructor, and I must admit that I really admired her toned body. Although I was not fat, my weight was edging towards the unhealthy BMI already, and I thought this was a good time to try loose some weight. Another wise sister, Cheng, gave me words of wisdom too: we often do not prioritise our body as we do not see it imminently important, but in fact it should be (in the category of not urgent, but important). I tried a few workout: Yoga, Barre, Pilate, short workout for ladies (arms/abs/core/gluts/full body). Then I tried running, first around the housing area, but the stray dogs scared me, so I switched to treadmill. Once on the treadmill, I started to pay attention to the stats - time, speed, distance, and before I knew it, the competitive self in me brought me back to the gym day after day, so I can outrun myself (how silly, now I put it out like this!). I started to keep a log of my workout. 

I also bought myself a fitness tracker to push my workout to the peak zone to enhance my performance. I was becoming serious, reading up on various articles and watching feature videos on metabolism and weight loss, building strength and muscle, nutrition and really what it means to be fit and strong. 

After a few months of running, I finally gained enough confidence to sign up for my first ever 10k run. I ran with two friends. We arrived early. Seeing a few other runners doing their professional  warm up moves made me nervous. But, after the flag off, I zoned into my comfortable pace and started to enjoy the experience. There were a few short uncomfortable moments of uphill slopes and painful muscle stitch. I would give myself an intensity score of 7/10 for this race. The run felt easy, and before long, I was approaching the finishing line. After the race, I was so happy, first and forth most, for completing a run of this distance, the longest distance yet for me, for the first time in my life. I set myself a modest goal of 1h 30 min, but in fact, I did much better! The the aftermath of the 'runner's high' is real: I could not fall sleep that night due to the overwhelming euphoria! 

This accomplishment has given the insecure me the much needed confidence boost to take on more physical challenges. I hope I have not started this journey too late. I look forward to playing around with the various modalities of workouts out there and setting myself more fitness goals next year.

Miss little boss

I was reading your blog. You didn’t tell me that you have been updating your blog! I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. I didn’t know you are such a deep person.

You are not the easiest person to have an idle chat. Even on the most trivial subject, you often end up becoming overly emotional by standard of a normal human. When emotion dominates, there is no way a reasoned conversation can continue, and I would never grasp your actual thought process. Through the stories that you have shared, I have come to realise that it has not been easy for you either. Some of the issues that you were talking about, for example being excluded by a popular group of friends in upper high school, were experiences of my past and many others, and had been settled (forgiven and forgotten) a long time ago. Yes, I did dismiss you when I shouldn’t have. Why? I don’t want to admit it but yes, it had to do with you being the youngest. Perhaps I thought such issues would become non-issue with time and maturity, just like it had been for me. I did not understand what a torment it could be for a young person still figuring out.

I sense insecurity. I see you are in constant need of external validation to assert your confidence. Is that so? Do you see that coming to an end? Do you want this to end? Hands down I cannot fathom this. I have never felt I need to look or present myself a certain way for others to make me feel good. If others are not happy with the way I want to be, go ahead and shun me out, I couldn’t care less. I only wish everyday, to do my part, to be as good a daughter and a doctor as I can be.

It is interesting that you do not feel you have accomplished enough. If it has not been obvious enough to you, let me reassure you that you are an outstanding young lady of your age. You are extremely passionate in the cause you believe in. You manage to get our family into environmental-aware mode (and trust me, it is not easy to change something so fundamental among our family members). Although I cannot share your passion with animals (I am allergic to dog dander), I now have a new level of respect for them and their rights. You are definitely a leader. Against all odds, you have successfully organised the Life of Stray event day. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, but it has definitely made an impact to all who were involved. Great job on the stage play, Cheng and I were super proud to have been the sisters of the heroine of the night, I am sure mum and dad felt the same. You have many talents. And when you are working on something that you are not so gifted in, you are diligent and persistent till you achieve your goal. You are the sort of young people I want my children to aspire to be. When I look at you, I see a prominently figured and naturally confident person. If I am looking for positive energy, I would look to your direction. You are kind, and you value friendship and relationship, something that I still do not think a priority.

Perhaps I can offer a useful suggestion. Do you really want to be like the prime minister and change the world? Rethink your role in the world. For me, that was my turning point. There after, I was more or less calm and content. Seeing that both of us have this bipolar tendency – ie when we are on a high we become extremely excited and energetic, and when the inevitable anticlimax comes, we are dragged into darkness and depression. It is not healthy to have such swings. I would say keep your feelings in check, try not to become overly invested. On the other hand, a downfall is not the end of the world. Too extreme of anything is bad, even if it is the best thing in the world, because when the balance tips over, you will be hit hard. I have read this is in dharma books before. Why should we not laugh and sing out heart out over the pleasurable moments in life. Before I didn’t understand, now I do. Balance it out. You are a clever girl. You will figure it out.

Do forgive me. I have been one of those who have failed to give you acknowledgement when you needed it most. I strive to be a better person each day. This is important and I must thank you for the reminder.